Forgive me Heathen-ly Father for I have sinned, it has been 69 days since my last confession and I accuse myself of the following sins:
Lust. I just can’t stop ruddy well thinking about doing the hunka chunka of late?!?! You know what I mean? Pound the punanni pavement, having a bit of ‘how’s your Father’, monkey business. I might be fast approaching 35 this year, but there’s plenty of life in the old dog yet!
Gluttony. I had 3 bacon sandwiches on Saturday after I finished the painting. As I tucked into the second sandwich, I found myself thinking of the children in Africa. And laughed.
Sloth. Then I had a nice long snooze.
Acedia. God I love being an atheist.
Wrath. I want to punish the useless shite who keeps nicking my car parking space in the NCP by work. My name’s not written on the space or anything, but it’s mine. MINE I SAY!!! And I will bring a tremendous punishment upon any man who parks his motor in my digs (I’ll pick my nose and draw a ‘smiley’ face on the offenders windscreen with some good old fashioned mucus).
Envy. I envy anyone who has some ‘Choc Dips’ right now. I really should go and buy some but I’m really feeling the Sloth vibe at the moment.
Pride. I love my beard, it’s a tattoo of nature. Respect my organic balaclava or die!
Vainglory. Please see above.