In my humble opinion, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ is the M&S of erotic literature; it’s an overpriced, overrated and overexposed load of old bollocks.

The books have seemingly turned narrow-minded wives and girlfriends everywhere into gas mask wearing wannabes overnight; conversations about spank paddles and anal fisting have become commonplace  in British society.  Ooooh errr missus!?!

Personally, I find all this dreadfully amusing as it’s hypocrisy of the highest order?

Quite recently, I overheard a conversation (as you do) during my lunch break about a group of women who were discussing sex (as you do) and ridiculing “weirdo’s” who went to ‘Torture Garden Events’ or those with an active interest in all things S&M.

Nowadays, the same bunch of old birds are absolutely raving about the idea of having their faces smacked repeatedly with a cock or being bound, gagged and violated with a 20 inch black dildo. Mum’s not gone to Iceland, she’s gone to Ann Summers for cheap tat!

On the flip side, I also find it very amusing to spot a flustered looking woman doing her best to hide the cover of her copy whilst on public transport or in a cafe.  Ahhhhh bless.  I think she’d probably pass out from shock if someone grabbed her by the hair and dragged her to the bedroom!?!

I had a peek at the text online and found the content to be bloody tame if anything????  ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ pales in comparison to a Gilly Cooper or Mills and Boon Novel; quite frankly it isn’t even fit to lace up the basque of  ‘Wuthering Heights’ either!!  Now that’s classic filth!

Who’s the fucking daddy bitch, you cum-ridden cock loving tramp whore slut monkey?  – Fifty Shades Of Antikrish.