I would like to begin by wishing my fellow atheists out there a very happy Tuesday, for those of you who are a bit backward mentally, Merry Jesus Christmas.

This Christmas time, we must think of those who are less fortunate than us:  people who wear fake tan, lovers of soap operas, X Factor, Liverpool FC fans and anyone who has actually paid for an album or music track (seriously, who even does that shit anymore???) instead of yoinking it off the net.

Spare a moment also for those working in the porn industry, they literally get fucked over and jizzed on every day of the week, which is FAR worse than the life little Haji leads in his cosy Nike sweatshop in Kolkata.

My thoughts go out to those who would rather use goose fat on their potatoes rather than sunflower oil; Waitrose must rub their greedy little hands when they see you fuckers coming!!!?

Last but not least, our armed forces who are sunning their arses off in the Middle East, reading a copy of Nuts or Zoo whilst keeping the World safe from bad men.  We owe you all a debt that can never be repaid.  I jest, I am grateful to those who serve, especially sluts. 

I hope you all have the best of times with your families and friends, for those of you who have neither, enjoy your TV box sets.

Merry Antikrishmas everyone.