Category Archives: Anglo-Indian

A poem

There was a paratha from Dehli
Who liked to sit and watch tele
His bhaji friend said “yo!”
“you’ve let yourself go!!!”
“And doubled the size of your belly!!!”

Cockney terms for money

Ooooh, a bit of Antikrish research ensued this Sunday afternoon all because of my friend Beth’s status update on Facebook.

Beth said she wanted a monkey (assuming it was because a friend went to the zoo and not due to anything unwholesome), anyway, to me a monkey is £500 (my dad and brother also use these terms a fair bit) and after educating her on this I eventually pondered where the saying came from originally.

So, a bit of background. Various people from London (mainly working class) have different names for certain denominations of money, some get their meaning from cockney rhyming slang, for example, a fiver is a ‘lady’ (cockney rhyming slang for Lady Godiver), a tenner is a ‘cockle’ (Cock and hen = ten).

There are also terms for money which don’t have a link to rhyming slang, like a Pony (£25), a score (£20), and a monkey to name but a few.

Imagine how chuffed I was to find that the term ‘monkey’ and ‘pony’ all stem from British colonialism in India. How cool is that?

“The term monkey comes from British soldiers returning from India where the 500 rupee note had a picture of a monkey on it. They used the term monkey for 500 rupees and on returning to England the saying was converted for sterling to mean £500. The 25 rupee note had a picture of a pony on it, hence why a pony is £25.”

Nice one Beth, you monkey lover!

Spice Cafe & Ken Livingston

Hyeeeeeeeeeeeeeyeeeee!  Hey rat fans!

I plan on getting back to my healthier eating this coming Monday, so, in order to bid farewell to my more debauched culinary habits I thought I’d have lunch down the Indian buffet today as something of a fatboys swansong.  Go out with a Bang(la) so to speak.

The restaurant in question is located about halfway down Surrey Street Market in Croydon, Surrey (UK), Alex first dragged me there in my teens one lunchtime from Boots and I’ve kept up the tradition by going down there on and off over the years (I have survived many changes in ownership).  In fact, I was unaware it had reopened as it’s been closed for a year and just came under new ownership; I only found out when Alan had popped down there last week.

Spice Express (commonly known as Spice Cafe amongst a few of my Indian friends at work) is very funky, £4.99 all you can eat, I’d heartily recommend this latest incarnation (especially the lamb curry, sadly wasn’t particularly hot but the quality of meat and flavour was great).  Very, very clean, fantastic staff, practically open kitchen, perfect.

When the 6 of us entered (My Guv’nor Alan, Doug, Dan, Leonie and Sam) we were greeted by a rather bizarre sight……….current Mayor of London Ken Livingston was schmoozing it up with Croydon counsellors for a PR stunt!.

It was absolutely packed, not by consumers, but his trendy lefty politically correct ‘HR ticksheet’ entourage (Or ethnic bingo as I like to call it…..”Have we got a Chinese woman?  Right, tick her off, Black man?  Tick him off, Big tall white guy standing at the back looking at the curry dishes wearing glasses, no, no, not ethnic enough, he’s clearly about as Indian as I am” !!!guffaw guffaw!!!) were all extremely animated and looked to vie for a photo opportunity themselves with Dobby the House Elf, right in front of the bloody buffet!!!.  We tried to manoeuver past them but it was tight let me tell you, the brown-nosers just wouldn’t move!

I think they must have heard my stomach growl as they shifted to reveal the hotplates of destiny; and it was well worth the wait.  Still, no sooner had Ken left the establishment the heavens opened up and I suspect he got rather drenched considering it was hail/heavy rain.  Karma is a lady and she sleeps in my bed 🙂

General point of advice to anyone, don’t get in my way when I’m hungry; I’m a divine agent of curry and I’ll stab you up with my poppadom of deceit!

P.s.  I’d vote for Boris Johnson, sorry Ken.


When people ask about my surname and all that jazz I eventually get asked what Anglo-Indian means.  Whilst classically this is more relevant to Al, I generally consider myself under the umbrella of the term given the broader use these days.



Yep, bored again.  Think my brain has switched off due to all the work I’ve been doing lately, and of course in anticipation of having a nice holiday.

I have often heard rumours that my local town hall in Wallington, Surrey housed various concerts and gigs fronted by some of my favourite bands.  According to local sources Hendrix, The Who, Eric Clapton (blah blah blah……) have all played there so I decided to google it.

I didn’t find anything I could view at work (bloody I.T.!) but I found a couple of reasonably interesting facts about my hometown.

The name ‘Wallington’ derives from the Anglo Saxon “Waleton” meaning “Village of the Britons”.  The part of Wallington that I live in is called Waleton Acres so I found that rather quaint.  I’ve always known that Carshalton (the town next to Wallington and place of my birth) is in the Domesday Book, but Wallington appears as of 1086 and was held by William the Conqueror.  He must have had big hands?

The local area itself has a great deal of history, especially Carew Manor which once accomodated Anne Boleyn, eventual wife (poor thing) to Henry VIII.  Oliver Cromwell also passed through Beddington park; you can find various bust and scultpures of Cromwell on buildings in the area.  Lavender oil was also produced on farms locally.  Lovely.

Perhaps my favourite bit of local history is that Jeff Beck, guitarist with 60’s group the Yardbirds, was born in Wallington and lived in Demense road which is quite literally the road next to mine.  How funky is that?!?!

If only I had been born 20 years earlier.  “Hello Jeff, fancy being in my band mate?  Yep?”  twaaaaang!!  “ROCK!”