Dre Beats and smoker perfume


I find myself increasingly irritated by trendy people wearing expensive Doctor Dre Beats over-ear headphones in public; especially the new Neon variety and the offensive advert.

I saw a skulking bag of bones sauntering down the road wearing a pair of beats today; I didn’t know if I wanted to give Skeletor some money for a Happy meal ™ or grab one side of the headphones and let it slap him upon my release?!? 

I definitely wanted to give him beats, in ¾ time baby!  1, 2, OW!

Before purchasing a pair of beats headphones, please consider the following:

·         Can you really get top end audio fidelity from a smartphone to justice the extravagant price tag?   

·         You will look like a tool

·         In-ear headphones are only a tenner and won’t annoy me to the point bordering violence.

Alternatively, buy a kazoo and make your own tunes?



Smoker perfume = Where a smokers perfume bonds with the smell of their pongy habit and produces a very unique but consistent stink.  

It doesn’t seem to matter what the base fragrance is because the FOUL ODOUR ALWAYS SMELLS THE SAME!!! 

So smoky ladies, don’t bother spending hours testing out the atomisers in Debenhams and Boots; you’ll only end up smelling like Coco Chanel’s skanky ashtray.