I decided to walk Chico around some local streets this evening; my primary goal was to avoid the elite dog breeding snobs who gather down my local park.
I genuinely tire of the nosey bastards giving out their uninvited ‘advice’ about dog obedience; he’s a disobedient fucker, just like me, so they should piss off back to Crufts with their inbred pedigree chums!
Still, it’s not long until the clocks go back, darker evenings = cheerio trophy dog loving fuckers.
Anyway, I digress, back to the walk. Tonight, I was accosted by a pissed thirty-something year old bloke who was slumped/backed up against the bonnet of his white van, outside his house, drinking a can of fosters lager.
Our conversation, went exactly like this:
Pissed fella: You should treat him good mate, or you’ll come back as a dog in the next life.
(I took a sharp Intake of breath, steadied myself for the inevitable onslaught of drunken bullshit and deployed my well-practiced ‘pleasant and interested’ facial expression that I keep for such occasions)
Pissed fella: Yeah! I proper believe that I do.
Me: Oh really, I reckon there’s something in that theor………..
Pissed fella: Yeah! You know when you see flies in a house, bumping their faces off the windows? They’re all people who have hurt dogs in the past and have to eat dog shit as punishment.
Me: Yeah? I believe that too!
Pissed fella: Yeah!!! Nothing more certain is there???
Me: True. Have a nice evening mate.
Pissed fella: I will.
A profound chat about reincarnation on a Wednesday evening with an upstanding member of society; I live in such an enlightened neighbourhood?!?