Fuckadoo! I’ve just had a near death experience. Or rather, I nearly had a near death experience.
Let’s see…where to start…

I went to my bathroom for a wee-wee™. I did the usual, got my cock out and aimed…and then I noticed a wiggly wavey thing underneath the rim inside the toilet.

Let’s get this sorted out straight away…the “wiggly wavey thing” was not my cock…it was an insect. The “rim” is not some reference to my cock either, certainly not my foreskin as I don’t have one…just ask Kevin, he’ll back me up. Hold on…now you might be thinking “How does Kevin know that Alex hasn’t got a foreskin?”. Fuckadoo!

Anyway, back to my nearly near death experience. The wiggly wavey thing in the toilet was a caterpillar! Fuckadoo!!!! Some enterprising mummy moth had flown in my toilet, laid a mummy moth eggy thing and then buggered off. The recent warm weather caused the caterpillar baby to <scientific term>’atch out<scientific term> and that’s when I saw him waving his little head. Although..it could have been his arse, I guess we’ll never know.

So…I did what all men would do in this situation, I got a woman to get rid of it for me by flushing it down the toilet. Fuckadoo! It was great, I didn’t have to do a thing except give instructions from the comfort of another room.

So, here’s the really scarey part of my gripping story. What if…instead of needing a piss…I had gone for a shit instead. Think about it…my cock would have been so close to the wiggly wavey caterpillar. He might have jumped onto my knob! Ewwwwwwwwwww!