Are you quite sure it was actually a caterpillar and not a misplaced eyebrow or something equally deceptive?  Maybe it was a bogey covered in belly button fluff which was slowly convulsing along with the beat of your next door neighbours bollywood top ten hits parade on their radio?

Additionally, I hope said woman washed her hands after plunging her fingers around your rim because refraining from such an important hygienic practice after said rimceedure (a rimming proceedure) would only mean she was a dirty bird?  And we can’t have any of those around can we old fruit? 

I mean, look what it did to your snare drum technique last time, what with all that shakey wrist tomfoolery and such, indeed, terrible business, poor show and all that, what what what?!?!?

Anyway, today’s puzzler.  Freckles, is it just a melanocortin-1 receptor MC1r gene dermal variant OR is there a wider conspiracy to hand?  Top scientists claim that freckles are actually copper-proficient jizz facials from poltergeists?  You decide!!!!!!!