I never paid attention in physics lessons at school. In actual fact, I bloody hated Physics, mostly due to my teacher Miss Goodman-Smith. She was a really strange idiosyncratic weirdo that beared an uncanny resemblance to Axel Rose from Guns n Roses (and even went as far to dress up as him on Mufti Day one year, WEIRD!). I’d often play truant or end up getting chucked out of the lesson for being rude to her following one of her trademark sarcastic remarks or mood swings. I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as the woman, and in the unlikely event you are reading this Miss Goodman-Spliff (We called her this as we thought she was a junkie), kiss my valve.
So all things considered, it’s something of an irony that I have such an interest now in all things Stephen Hawking (Quantum physics that is, gottal love good old Mr ‘Speak ‘n Spell’); largely I have to say due to various television programmes I loved as a kid like Star Trek, Quantum leap and to a slightly lesser extent, Doctor Who; oh yes, and all the comics. I’d like to think that I know my electrons from my protons, but the depth of theory involved with the incredibly fascinating ‘Large Hadron Collider’ experiment has seriously twisted my melon.
Even the ‘summary paragraph for plebs’ on The European Organisation for Nuclear Research’s (CERN) website made me think; pfffffft! Observe. “The £5 billion machine has been described as a 17-mile racetrack around which two streams of protons – building blocks of matter – run in opposite directions before smashing into one another. Reaching 99.99 per cent of the speed of light, each beam will pack as much energy as a Eurostar train travelling at 90 mph. The flashes from the collisions may help scientists reproduce the conditions that existed during the first moments after the Big Bang at the birth of the universe.”
You gotta love love the dogmatic bile spewed from religious cynics in reaction to the experiment, and about how it’s going to bring about the destruction of the universe (due to all the sodding about with black holes and the like apparently)? “The apocalypse!!! THE APOCALYPSE!!!! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE FOR DARING TO CHALLENGE AN X-thousand YEAR OLD WIVES TALE!!!! REPENT!” I wish such people would fuck off back into the trees/caves we emerged from sometimes.
My one criticism however was the choice of location for the structure of the LHC (A 27km ‘ring’……ha ha ha!). Why didn’t they just use the M25 motorway instead? It’s 188km and all the boffins measuring their instruments (I say again, ha!) would have been able to stop off at greasy Joe’s layby cafe for a cup of rosy lee (tea) whilst all the particles whiz around. Come on, you know it makes sense!
I personally would prefer to let these wonderful ladies and gents get on with their funky experiment, let them risk sub atomic annihilation at the molecular level. I’d MUCH rather that than be spoon-fed the concept of creationism and intelligent design for another millisecond.
I mean come on, the concept of creationism is the biggest load of bollocks?
EDIT (KEV): Just found THIS on the BBC, a Q&A session with Professor Brian Cox who works on the LHC. I found the last two paragraphs to mirror my feelings above, albeit in a slightly more subtle way!