I got asked tonight when I last “threw some shapes”?  One must confess, the expression meant fuck all to me and I was most confuddled and bamboozled?!!? Eventually I asked what it meant and came to understand that she wanted to know when I had last danced my arse off?   Why didn’t she just say that in the first place instead of trying to be trendy?!

Just for the record, the last time I ‘threw some shapes’ was probably in the Early Learning Centre…………

This person also went on to describe their weekend as ‘messy’.  ‘Messy’!?  By ‘messy’ she meant that she had drunk to excess and stayed out late.  Wooooo, that’s original.  Never done that before.  Snore.  ‘Messy’ to me is more likely to describe a good fuck or helping birth a calf.  The latter is extremely messy; take my word for it.

Another annoying expression that I hear all too often is when someone says ‘good times’ after recalling something that they’ve done; usually nodding at the same time and making a stupid puckered lipped expression to emphasise that the listener should find their statement cool. I refuse to carry an organ donor card until there is a tick box that says ‘I agree to donate my organs upon my death IF the recipient doesn’t say ‘good times’ at the end of a sentence”.

When someone says ‘good times’ after a sentence it makes something potentially interesting become dull almost immediately, forgetful in fact.

“Kev, I went to the Moon at the weekend and found a copy of ‘Readers Wives’………….Good times”.

Yeah?…..great……….zzzzzz.