Category Archives: Films and television

Surreal cinema story

I grabbed a Bruce Willis movie pack over the weekend and seeing that the film ‘Unbreakable’ was included, well, it reminded me of a rather silly and surreal prank of mine a few years ago.

Alex and I went to see the film ‘Unbreakable’ at Streatham Odeon in the year 2000, as usual we had been for a mooch around the shops beforehand and I had purchased a WW2 Mustang toy foam glider plane thingy that I used to collect as a kid from the toy shop.  I’m still prone to buying them now; you know the self-assembly ones which are about 50p? (piccy below).

Anyway, I decided that it’d be rather funny to throw it into the projector light during the trailers, purely because Streatham’s main screen had SUCH a high ceiling and it would go on for ages.  So that’s what I did.  I threw it.  Down with the system!

I can remember it in utterly vivid detail, slow motion.  The plane majestically flew down in a straight line, lit up by the projector light and then all of a sudden the trailer changed to ‘Pearl Harbour’.  It was fucking uncanny and I almost wet myself as the Mustang hurtled towards the screen to defend the harbour from the Mitsubishi Zero’s!  As it got closer the shadow began to get bigger on the screen and people began to notice.  God knows how I didn’t wet myself.

The real joke is that the prank was actually more historically accurate than the film ‘Pearl Harbour’; which was a big bag of Hollywood wank.

Toro Toro Toro!!!!!  AIeieieieieieieiieiei!  Oh, and I thought Unbreakable was shite too.

glider

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

I think it’s safe to say that a lot of people thought the latest Hulk movie was inferior to the Iron Man blockbuster which also came out this year; personally I don’t think that is true at all.  Whilst I agree that the makers totally nailed Iron Man; I can’t help but feel that the Hulk movie is superior to it in many ways. 

It’s certainly true that I had more affection for the Hulk growing up than I did Iron Man (I only really started to appreciate Iron Man in my teens, whereas I religiously watched the Hulk t.v. as a kid), overall I felt that the Hulk movie reminded me so much of the comics I used to read than the Iron Man film did, perhaps given the latter’s focus on realism and ‘believability’?   That isn’t to say that both films didn’t have a good stab at challenging some of the worldly issues going on at the moment though (quite effectively I thought?).

I think it’s safe to say that Iron Man’s CGI and effects were in a different league to the Hulk, however, there is something decidedly reassuring about seeing a 15 foot tall green mutant not being completely CGI perfect isn’t there?  He’s not meant to blend in with the crowd.  He’s a big green mofo!  The scenes where Hulk is bouncing around on rooftops and from building to building looked awesome.  Job done. 

So why do I think Hulk is a better film?  Ultimately, what sets the Hulk apart for the other Marvel films is Edward Norton.  What a bloody inspired casting choice he was for the role of Dr. Bruce Banner; a much tormented and brooding soul living in exile, utterly petrified of what lies within himself.  Brilliant.  I sat watching the film last night and could feel myself smiling at how well he portrayed Banner, it’s such a shame that his performance will not be given the recognition it so rightly deserves, all because people thought the Hulk looked too cartoon-like. 

That said, the franchise as a whole is definately building up.  Soon they’ll do Captain America (which I expect to laugh at considering they are getting Brad Pitt for the role) and Thor (how they will make this I genuinely don’t know….?), and then we will get an Avengers movie at last, hopefully with Hulk being a founding member (yep, it’s true).   With the recent success of the ‘Civil War’ and ‘World War Hulk’ comic runs, I can only hope they decide to borrow a few ideas from those stories too rather than just the classic issues.

I enjoyed this film so much that I will definately buy it, the only slightly sour point for me was putting Stan Lee in this movie.  Why?  I LOVE Stan Lee, but does he have to be in every single Marvel comic movie?  Yes I know without him we’d not have Spider-man yadda yadda yadda, but still?  Lou Ferringo I can understand, because he voiced the Hulk in this film (and played the original), but I really hate putting people into films just for people to go “oooooh, look, it’s *insert name here*, ha ha ha, coooooool!”.

“Hulk smash tiresome cameo appearances!!!!!!”

Get Smart – Film Review

I used to love the original series of ‘Get Smart’ when I was a kid (it was re-run on BBC2 I think) and I was really eager to see the Steve Carell ‘remake’ (‘tribute’ would be a better word don’t you agree ratfans?) because I am a huge fan of his humour.  I almost wet myself when I recognised Terrence Stamp was in this film!……Kneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel before Zod!  Oh yes, and Masi Oka (Hiro from Heroes) is in it too.

The style of the movie perfectly fits the memories I retained of the series; perhaps that is why then that I felt a little let down by the film overall given how they managed to nail the look and feel of the original series but fell short with what I felt was a really weak script.  I imagine it to be the sort of strange deja-vu feeling a pet owner gets having cloned their favourite Cocker Spaniel ‘Blackie’ only to find it won’t hump their leg like the original did.

You could tell what they were trying to do, much like with the film ‘Johnny English’ which also fell way short of it’s true comedic potential amid the odd funny moment or two.  ‘Get Smart’ suffers from gaping and tired plotholes, a rushed storyline and too much focus on scenes which weren’t actually that funny (the bit with the sound dampning ‘cones’ is a great example of what I mean, predictable and not funny at all).  In fact, seeing this movie made me fancy watching ‘Condorman’ which would probably have been a better use of my 2 hour spy-seeking-spoof-fest; even with Michael Crawfords shit American accent.

Maybe it was just my frame of mind on a Friday night expecting the flick to be as funny as ‘Anchorman’ or satisfy my need for a good belly laugh like ‘Hot Rod’ provided in abundance?  I would say that it’s not a bad watch on a Sunday afternoon if you just fancy watching something to kill a couple of hours, just don’t expect too much from it!

That said, I’m off to grab ‘Hank and Mike’ which has been recommended to me by baldie in the hope it will make me lose control of my bladder.

The Dark Knight – IMAX

Dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!!!!! Kerpow, splang, twat, fuck!

Wooohoooo! Just got back from seeing ‘The Dark Knight’ up at BFI’s Imax theatre. Quite frankly I’m almost at a loss to express how immense the experience was! I had already seen the film at my local Vue cinema with my nephew Kai and thought afterwards it was an exceptioanlly good movie, but seeing it today felt like the first time I’d ever watched it; or any film if I’m honest.

The BFI Imax screen is 20m high and 26m wide and has one of the best sound systems in Europe apparently, I shall try not to get too geeky during this post…….bugger, too late. I had brilliant seats (which you can pick online, no race against the chimps required when doors open; pet hate of mine), dead smack bang in the middle, and the screen is so close that it draws you right in. Literally. At times I had totally forgotten where I was and became so utterly absorbed by what was going on in front of me that I felt a bit of a plum when reality kicked back in.

The clarity is crystal clear, and the fact the film was shot with an IMAX camera is only too apparent when landscape scenes fill up the entire screen with perfect resolution; my favourite panorama has to be the scene where Batman is poised atop a skyscraper in Hong Kong which overlooks the harbour, it brought back very fond memories of my time there let me tell you. I could almost smell it.

What is there to say about this film that hasn’t already been said? I couldn’t do justice to Heath Ledgers sublime performance of the Joker, but I do feel that Gary Oldmans effort as Jim Gordon largely went unsung in the press. He’s just as perfect as the clown in my opinion. Both Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine are both standouts as well, the latter always manages to steal the limelight doesn’t he? His Alfred is brilliant. Whoever cast this film deserves a very firm pat on the back. And a big bag of cherries for good measure.

I genuinely hope that they make another film, purely because the franchise is going from strength to strength; ultimately I don’t think there is a film around at the moment which hits home with such spot-on social commentary as this one does. I’d go as far as to say that it’s probably the most intelligent Hollywood film I’ve ever seen.

Saying that, the thing that makes this film so special is the emphasis put on character development, and even intelligent commentary runs behind the importance of Jokers jawdropping scene with the hood and the pencil trick (my favourite scene by FAR, those who have seen it will know what I mean), also Batman dropping a Mob Boss off a building just high up enough not to kill him but purely to be vindictive is genius. I can see why the intensely powerful scene where Joker describes how he got his scars to before slicing Gamble up with a knife is compared by some to how chilling Jack Nicholson is in ‘The Shinning’, or Dennis Hopper is in ‘Blue Velvet’. These three scenes totally define each character and set them aside from any previous incarnations they may have had. Way, way beyond in fact.

Anyway, the IMAX screenings of Batman run into October, and I urge everyone to get up there and experience it if you can; after seeing the trailer for ‘Watchmen’, one of my all time favourite graphic novels, I can assure you It won’t be long before I go back!

At £12.50 it’s only £4.00 more than going to your local cinema, AND you get to do a cockney walk along the Southbank for good measure. Spiceworld.

I’m no punk bitch!

This clip from Rush Hour has me in fits of laughter because it SERIOUSLY reminds me of when my dad used to argue with Mr Cheung, proprietor of the local take-away when I was a kid. Old Cheung would always try and have the old man over, he never did get away with it though.

I remember once he tried to arm wrestle my dad in front of a shop full of spectators; it was like a multiracial cockney version of the film ‘Over the Top’ but much funnier.

Needless to say my old man almost pulled Cheungs arm out of his socket, Chewbacca style! HRRRRRRRN!

Danny Kaye, George Formby and Will Hay…oh my!

I’m a very big fan of Danny Kaye, George Formby and Will Hay…hence the title of this post 🙂

I think they all have two things in common, they were great, unique comedians and they seem to be a bit negelcted.

What do I like about their films? They’re good fun…usually pretty harmless, they make me laugh/smirk and the “good guy” always wins. There are no tits, no swearing and if there are any special effects then they usually involve lots of rope or a really dodgy backdrop.

Here’s a funky link, it’s Danny Kaye in the Inspector General – http://www.archive.org/details/the_inspector_general

Now all I’ve got to do is find some George Formby, Will Hay, W.C.Fields, Warner Oland…

Favourite films:

Danny Kaye – A Song is Born

George Fomby – Let George Do It!

Will Hay – The Goose Steps Out

Disappointing (or poopy) films…

I’ve really been looking forward to watching both the new Narnia film and the new Indiana Jones film.

Here are my incredibly infomative and useful reviews for the 2 aforementioned films.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian – It’s ok(ish), drags on a bit, the story is a bit jumpy and the action is a bit flat.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – Hmmmm. Harrison Ford looks bored, the story is a bit poopy™, I found Shia LaBeouf to be a bit annoying and the film was generally dull.

So…I present to you something a lot more entertaining than Prince Caspian and Indiana HuntingforBones…