A message from his holiness:

Swami Prahabudbudwiser Antikrish III

My children, this Diwali I would respectfully request that you all break with the usual traditions and celebrate my immense greatness by lighting lots and lots of cherry scented candles.

When you have at least 666 candles lit, commence throwing fireworks at each other (no Catherine wheels) until not a single air bomb or rocket resides in your shop windows.  Finally, before the midnight hour signals the end of the day, you must kiss the first cow that you see!  Not Jersey cows though, they are bastards!  ::spits::

Follow my instructions and you will all have a peaceful, happy and prosperous New Year. Or your money back!

Kiss my brown self, owwwwwwwwww!

Hello chums.

My plan for Diwali was to ride over to my pal Alan’s and let him test out the snazzy video camera gadget that he’d installed on his motorbike.

The ‘Dogcam 520 pro’ was fitted in the rear (best place for it Alan?) to pick me as I travelled along the winding roads of Kent; in reality the footage only lasted a mere 6 minutes because Al used cheap batteries from Hong Kong and the majority of what did get recorded showed him struggling to get the cover back on over the top of the camcorders hidey space thingamy.  Riveting stuff!

I have of course included the footage below so that Mr McSpielberg may receive plaudits for his directing skills.  Getting my own ‘Dogcam’ may well be on the cards; I suspect that it could have some very amusing applications!?!  I say, get your mind out of the gutter, I’m a respectable man you know!

Right, I’m off to scoff my commemorate the Festival of Lights with a good curry.

Sag aloo!

Now available in HD

No Anglo Indians were harmed in the production of this film.

………..although I was arguably exploited?