Category Archives: Anglo-Indian

Festival of lights!

‘Ow do!?!

Just wanted to wish all my fellow Joe Daki’s out there a funky time tonight for the annual festival of lights; I will never know how you lot were able to steal Guy Fawkes night away from the honkies.  Bravo!

I do love a good Diwali; although given the option I much prefer a nice hot Madras!

Happy Diwali!

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Indian call centres and International calling cards

Andre Arshavin keeps harrassing me whilst I’m out on my lunchbreak; well, a Russian chap giving out International calling card leaflets rather than Arsenal’s cheeky forward; but he looks just like him!!!

It’s a futile exercise these days; trying to tempt me with cheap overseas calling rates, purely because I no longer have a penchant for Yank bints………..shame the cards weren’t around 13 years ago when phoning America twice a day almost cost me a Kidney!

Furthermore, If I want to speak to an Indian relative I just phone Virgin Media after 8pm and it only costs 1p a minute. Why are employees in Indian call centres given ‘English’ names?!?? For our convenience? It’s offensive!!!

So far I’ve spoken to a ‘Peter’, a ‘Rupert’ and even a ‘Robert’ but no ‘Kevin’. Maybe it’s not a popular pseudonym in Mumbai yet???

Kirpans and broomsticks

I got asked today what my opinion was regarding a quote taken from Sir Mota Singh QC.

Sir Singh, a Sikh high judge, feels that children of the Sikh faith should be allowed to take a Kirpan (religious dagger) into schools or public places without fear of arrest.

My first thought was not about the holy dagger situation, but that I realised I’d become something of a ‘we’ll ask Kev because he’s half darkie and it won’t be racist’ soundboard; especially in Indian matters.

To be honest; It just seems rather stupid?

However, for the sake of discussion I pondered the issue a little more and began to consider the argument ‘against’ more than ‘for’.

The Constitution of the United States of America gives Americans the right to carry firearms; by the same standards, surely Sir Singh would allow Billy Bob Triggerfinger to carry his six shooter around London Zoo?

What about Jim McTight of the clan Mcdonald; should he be allowed to browse the paint section of B&Q whilst carrying a dirk to complete his traditional attire of kilt and sporran?

As with most things, I googled it. It turns out that many Sikhs do not carry the Kirpan in India; those that do are certainly not allowed them onto planes.

Bearing that in mind; is Sir Singh just being a bit of an awkward sod?

Possibly….

I distinctly remember an occasion where a Sikh man was openly running down a street in Southall (London) brandishing a sword and chasing a Muslim. Made the local news and everything it did!

Religious sabre rattling always makes me nervous, purely because it evokes the immortal words from George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’ in my head.

“Everyone is equal, but some are more equal than others”.

Boxing Day bargain hunt

For Christmas this year I was given a nice wedge of Rupees and decided to take my regular trip to the Croydon sales; gammy leg in tow.

Now then, I expected the vast crowds; what I didn’t expect was that Croydon had turned into a bargain standoff between the entire local Indian community and a healthy chunk of it’s African counterparts.

You had to be there to believe it, my Asian bretheren used several family members to blockade everyone else whilst the matriarchs rifled through the bargains for their men; had I not waded in and reached over my five-foot-nothing ancestors I would have come away empty handed.

I managed to get two pukka coats, a couple of fine silk ties and a rather snazzy shirt; then rapidly left the Maelstrom that was Debenhams!

They’ll probably still be there right now; the whole thing felt like i was watching a cutting-floor reel of a Tarantino film that had stylishly spliced scenes from Zulu and Ghandi!

One thing I couldn’t work out though; where were all the honkeys?!?

Happy Diwali

A message from his holiness:

Swami Prahabudbudwiser Antikrish III

My children, this Diwali I would respectfully request that you all break with the usual traditions and celebrate my immense greatness by lighting lots and lots of cherry scented candles.

When you have at least 666 candles lit, commence throwing fireworks at each other (no Catherine wheels) until not a single air bomb or rocket resides in your shop windows.  Finally, before the midnight hour signals the end of the day, you must kiss the first cow that you see!  Not Jersey cows though, they are bastards!  ::spits::

Follow my instructions and you will all have a peaceful, happy and prosperous New Year. Or your money back!

Kiss my brown self, owwwwwwwwww!

Hello chums.

My plan for Diwali was to ride over to my pal Alan’s and let him test out the snazzy video camera gadget that he’d installed on his motorbike.

The ‘Dogcam 520 pro’ was fitted in the rear (best place for it Alan?) to pick me as I travelled along the winding roads of Kent; in reality the footage only lasted a mere 6 minutes because Al used cheap batteries from Hong Kong and the majority of what did get recorded showed him struggling to get the cover back on over the top of the camcorders hidey space thingamy.  Riveting stuff!

I have of course included the footage below so that Mr McSpielberg may receive plaudits for his directing skills.  Getting my own ‘Dogcam’ may well be on the cards; I suspect that it could have some very amusing applications!?!  I say, get your mind out of the gutter, I’m a respectable man you know!

Right, I’m off to scoff my commemorate the Festival of Lights with a good curry.

Sag aloo!

Now available in HD

No Anglo Indians were harmed in the production of this film.

………..although I was arguably exploited?

He-man – Anglo Indian??!?

Hmmmmmmmm.  Why does Prince Adam suddenly get a slight tan when he changes into He-Man?  My theory is that I reckon he’s actually Anglo Indian.

It all fits.  Big strapping build, blonde hair and then ‘BANG’, sword gets waved about in a camp fashion, lightning all over the fucking place, a deep voice and a slight peanut tan appears out of nowhere along with really confused chameleon hair which can’t make up it’s mind if it’s dark brown or heading towards ginger.  Definately Anglo Indian.

Check out around 0:32 seconds for the tan change……

I also suspect Orko may be from Pakistan originally.  My sources tell me that he lost his legs in a freak freight train accident and eventually learned to levitate thanks to the power of his nag champas.

Cringer is just a cunt, and if he was in a bar fight I’d glass him (you’d have to use a crossbow or something with range if he was Battlecat though?)

Sorceress = TITS!