Category Archives: Bits and Pieces

Kevs work – Christmas party venue 2008

Our ‘Christmas’ party is schedule for late November this year (WHY NOVEMBER!?!) and my friend Jane has popped over a link for the venue (Muchos Kudos Jane); thought I’d post it for all and sundry to view because I’m quite excited to wear my DJ again and pretend to be 007.

So here we go, Royal Hospital Gardens – Chelsea.


MENU 


STARTER

Passion fruit cured Scottish salmon with ratte potato salad, herb salad & passion fruit dressing *** 
(Ratte….surely they don’t actually mean rat????!?!  Philistines!!!!) 

Caponata and mozzarella salad with seared rustic mediterranean vegetables, torn basil and rocket leaves (v) 
(‘Torn basil’, as opposed to ‘ripped up and owned like a biatch Basil’  So there we go, a few leaves and a bit of cheese for veggies again as usual then)

MAIN COURSE

Roasted breast of Barbary duck with an apple and pea mash, buttered bok choy & a five spice scented jus*** 
(Burberry duck for the chavs – Freshly shot with a blunderbuss whilst happily swimming around Waddon Ponds)

Jerusalem artichoke and mushroom pithiviers on savoy cabbage and crème fraiche with a celeriac Dauphinoise and a cèpe jus (v) 
(Vegetarians have been totally stiffed YET AGAIN by the looks of it.  What appears to be a fancy looking meal on paper will clearly have absolutely no stomach filling potential whatsoever when it turns up on the night, trust me.  Plus, why the hell can’t they use the word juice rather than jus?   Funnily enough though, my uncle was a celeriac, thankfully he made a full recovery)

DESSERT

Rich chocolate truffle cake with a mulled wine syrup and a compote of winter berries 
(Finally something appealing!!!  I’ll have six of these fuckers please garcon!)

 
KK MENU EVALUATION = 99.9999% chance of Kev having a kebab roll or three down the spice cafe instead.

Get Smart – Film Review

I used to love the original series of ‘Get Smart’ when I was a kid (it was re-run on BBC2 I think) and I was really eager to see the Steve Carell ‘remake’ (‘tribute’ would be a better word don’t you agree ratfans?) because I am a huge fan of his humour.  I almost wet myself when I recognised Terrence Stamp was in this film!……Kneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel before Zod!  Oh yes, and Masi Oka (Hiro from Heroes) is in it too.

The style of the movie perfectly fits the memories I retained of the series; perhaps that is why then that I felt a little let down by the film overall given how they managed to nail the look and feel of the original series but fell short with what I felt was a really weak script.  I imagine it to be the sort of strange deja-vu feeling a pet owner gets having cloned their favourite Cocker Spaniel ‘Blackie’ only to find it won’t hump their leg like the original did.

You could tell what they were trying to do, much like with the film ‘Johnny English’ which also fell way short of it’s true comedic potential amid the odd funny moment or two.  ‘Get Smart’ suffers from gaping and tired plotholes, a rushed storyline and too much focus on scenes which weren’t actually that funny (the bit with the sound dampning ‘cones’ is a great example of what I mean, predictable and not funny at all).  In fact, seeing this movie made me fancy watching ‘Condorman’ which would probably have been a better use of my 2 hour spy-seeking-spoof-fest; even with Michael Crawfords shit American accent.

Maybe it was just my frame of mind on a Friday night expecting the flick to be as funny as ‘Anchorman’ or satisfy my need for a good belly laugh like ‘Hot Rod’ provided in abundance?  I would say that it’s not a bad watch on a Sunday afternoon if you just fancy watching something to kill a couple of hours, just don’t expect too much from it!

That said, I’m off to grab ‘Hank and Mike’ which has been recommended to me by baldie in the hope it will make me lose control of my bladder.

Google Chrome – Web browser

Howdy all.

Just thought I’d throw up a quick post about Google’s new ‘CHROME’ internet browser.  It’s absolutely RAPID for web browsing and google searching.  I have to say it’s miles better than the latest version of Firefox (3) and Internet explorer.  Every single page I’ve thrown at it has loaded up instantaneously.

The fact that it’s obviously been built by Google to gain data at an offensive level is a no brainer, but then doesn’t ever other mainstream application on the web?

I’d highly recommend it, give it a go!!!

GOOGLE CHROME – Click here to go to the download page.

The Dark Knight – IMAX

Dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!!!!! Kerpow, splang, twat, fuck!

Wooohoooo! Just got back from seeing ‘The Dark Knight’ up at BFI’s Imax theatre. Quite frankly I’m almost at a loss to express how immense the experience was! I had already seen the film at my local Vue cinema with my nephew Kai and thought afterwards it was an exceptioanlly good movie, but seeing it today felt like the first time I’d ever watched it; or any film if I’m honest.

The BFI Imax screen is 20m high and 26m wide and has one of the best sound systems in Europe apparently, I shall try not to get too geeky during this post…….bugger, too late. I had brilliant seats (which you can pick online, no race against the chimps required when doors open; pet hate of mine), dead smack bang in the middle, and the screen is so close that it draws you right in. Literally. At times I had totally forgotten where I was and became so utterly absorbed by what was going on in front of me that I felt a bit of a plum when reality kicked back in.

The clarity is crystal clear, and the fact the film was shot with an IMAX camera is only too apparent when landscape scenes fill up the entire screen with perfect resolution; my favourite panorama has to be the scene where Batman is poised atop a skyscraper in Hong Kong which overlooks the harbour, it brought back very fond memories of my time there let me tell you. I could almost smell it.

What is there to say about this film that hasn’t already been said? I couldn’t do justice to Heath Ledgers sublime performance of the Joker, but I do feel that Gary Oldmans effort as Jim Gordon largely went unsung in the press. He’s just as perfect as the clown in my opinion. Both Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine are both standouts as well, the latter always manages to steal the limelight doesn’t he? His Alfred is brilliant. Whoever cast this film deserves a very firm pat on the back. And a big bag of cherries for good measure.

I genuinely hope that they make another film, purely because the franchise is going from strength to strength; ultimately I don’t think there is a film around at the moment which hits home with such spot-on social commentary as this one does. I’d go as far as to say that it’s probably the most intelligent Hollywood film I’ve ever seen.

Saying that, the thing that makes this film so special is the emphasis put on character development, and even intelligent commentary runs behind the importance of Jokers jawdropping scene with the hood and the pencil trick (my favourite scene by FAR, those who have seen it will know what I mean), also Batman dropping a Mob Boss off a building just high up enough not to kill him but purely to be vindictive is genius. I can see why the intensely powerful scene where Joker describes how he got his scars to before slicing Gamble up with a knife is compared by some to how chilling Jack Nicholson is in ‘The Shinning’, or Dennis Hopper is in ‘Blue Velvet’. These three scenes totally define each character and set them aside from any previous incarnations they may have had. Way, way beyond in fact.

Anyway, the IMAX screenings of Batman run into October, and I urge everyone to get up there and experience it if you can; after seeing the trailer for ‘Watchmen’, one of my all time favourite graphic novels, I can assure you It won’t be long before I go back!

At £12.50 it’s only £4.00 more than going to your local cinema, AND you get to do a cockney walk along the Southbank for good measure. Spiceworld.

See you next Tuesday

Peter Cook and Dudley Moore are two of my favourite comedians (Goes for Al as well); and I can think of nobody else who can nail satire or parody as well as them. I have always thought their ‘Derek and Clive’ characters were absolutely genius, parodising two average working class cockney guys setting the world to rights in the most self righteous manner possible. It still hits very close to home even now (Al and I can do a very good impression of this when we’re drunkenarerd).

One of my favourite sketches is called ‘This bloke came up to me’; the material for Derek and Clive was mainly improvised and the original sketch has me in fits of laughter. I begin frothing at the mouth I tell you, like a really crap Mr Whippy ice cream maker.

I was browsing youpube tonight and I found a rather funny video which I’ve included below. It almost sounds like my mum talking to a random relative at a family Christmas/birthday/wedding type do. Scarily actually.

Gawd blimey.

I’m no punk bitch!

This clip from Rush Hour has me in fits of laughter because it SERIOUSLY reminds me of when my dad used to argue with Mr Cheung, proprietor of the local take-away when I was a kid. Old Cheung would always try and have the old man over, he never did get away with it though.

I remember once he tried to arm wrestle my dad in front of a shop full of spectators; it was like a multiracial cockney version of the film ‘Over the Top’ but much funnier.

Needless to say my old man almost pulled Cheungs arm out of his socket, Chewbacca style! HRRRRRRRN!

Chicken…….

Is it just me, or does chicken become far more appealing aesthetically when grilled if you cut ‘gill’ style knife slits into it beforehand?

Danny Kaye, George Formby and Will Hay…oh my!

I’m a very big fan of Danny Kaye, George Formby and Will Hay…hence the title of this post 🙂

I think they all have two things in common, they were great, unique comedians and they seem to be a bit negelcted.

What do I like about their films? They’re good fun…usually pretty harmless, they make me laugh/smirk and the “good guy” always wins. There are no tits, no swearing and if there are any special effects then they usually involve lots of rope or a really dodgy backdrop.

Here’s a funky link, it’s Danny Kaye in the Inspector General – http://www.archive.org/details/the_inspector_general

Now all I’ve got to do is find some George Formby, Will Hay, W.C.Fields, Warner Oland…

Favourite films:

Danny Kaye – A Song is Born

George Fomby – Let George Do It!

Will Hay – The Goose Steps Out