Michael Jackson is dead? Beat it…

I’m shocked.

Not due to the fact Jacko is ‘dead’ but more so because everyone is shocked by it. Yes, I’m shocked by the shock; people die for fuck sakes!?!?

Personally I’m disturbed that a person, who for whatever reason, tried to change his ethnicity and identity to the degree that he did. I’m White/brown and proud!

Cue the mass outpouring of mindless grief and conspiracy theories……

Don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, blame it on the myocardial infarction.

Wesson Biker Cafe – Horam

Yo.

I ended up doing a 150 mile ride around Kent/East Sussex/Surrey today; quite an unexpected way to spend my day considering I had turned into the office this morning to do some overtime.  The work was cut short due to technical issues and Alan (my boss), suggested that we go for a ride down to Wesson’s Biker Cafe in Horam, East Sussex.  It was such a gorgeous day out; who was I to argue?

Alan had ridden his Aprilia RSV in to the office and I did my best to keep up with him through the various detours he chose to during our journey.  That is to say keep up with Alan whilst he’s in 1st gear.   The route was actually fairly similar to that which we took going down to Brighton all those months ago (feels like years ago now if I’m honest!) and I enjoyed nailing a few bends which I took very nervously last time.  Eat your heart out Lewis Schumacher!

The sun shone profusely and it was a pleasure riding through the forests, zipping along and looking over the Surrey valleys before making it to East Grinstead when everything became much more countryfied near Maresfield.  Again, I had spotted several games of cricket on the go, I REALLY will ride down to one of them one weekend soon and have a glass of lemonade at the accompanying pub.  HOWZAT!?

Eventually we made it through to the cafe; quietly located in Horam which is a really nice little town/village.  The cafe itself is very funky, lots of bike/rock posters adorn the walls and some bluesy/rock was on the radio when we walked in so that immediately got the thumbs up from me. The staff in there are also very friendly and they fixed me up two very sexy bacon rolls which I scoffed down rather ravenously due to the appetite that I had developed winding and weaving around the lanes on the way down. Good grub, inexpensive and service with a smile.  Highly recommended.

Soon enough it was time to leave, waiting for my bike to warm up I had a quick look at all the other bikes parked outside; the old vintage Triumph (piccy in the gallery) particularly caught my eye.  Absolutely gorgeous.  I tried to nick it, but it wouldn’t fit in my rucksack.  Slag.

We came back up through the A21 and into the areas of Kent that I never quite got to see due to my accident cutting short a planned trip to Alan’s.  I was determined to go back through Westerham again (where I came off) and got up to an undisclosed FAST speed down the dual carriageway en route.

Almost on cue the bike began spluttering and losing power because I needed to fill up on petrol, Kent hates me?.  From the speed I was going (best not put it here) I was suddenly almost going backwards on a very fast stretch of road and somehow found the cool resolve to stick the fuel tap on ‘reserve’ before finding a Shell garage on the busiest road I think I’ve ever seen.    Glug, glug, glug, ten pounds for your pollutant sir.  Thank you.  And off I went again.

Alan eventually buggered off on the Tonbridge turn-off heading home and I sauntered down the A25 towards Westerham.  I had told Al earlier that day that I wasn’t particularly wary or pensive about revisiting the site of my accident, and I have to say that was honestly the case.  In fact, I was actually looking forward to conquering it.  It’s such a lovely place, that’s the irony.  No sooner had I entered the village I was through it.  Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Kent Highways Agency!

I decided to go home via the B2024 on a whim and that in turn lead me to the B269; really glad I did because it was the most beautiful part of the ride and very fitting I thought having just passed through Westerham.  This little stretch of read takes you high above the Surrey Valley near Warlingham, and on a good day you can see for miles and miles, well, as best as you can at the legal speed limit.  Ahem.  Warlingham, nice posh suburban girlies quickly turned into South Croydon birds with fags and I knew I was home.

And that’s that.  Until next time chums.

THE ADDRESS

Wesson’s Cafe
High St
Horam,
Heathfield,
East Sussex
TN21 0ER

THE ROUTE – (IN PINK).

horammap

THE GALLERY

Surreal cinema story

I grabbed a Bruce Willis movie pack over the weekend and seeing that the film ‘Unbreakable’ was included, well, it reminded me of a rather silly and surreal prank of mine a few years ago.

Alex and I went to see the film ‘Unbreakable’ at Streatham Odeon in the year 2000, as usual we had been for a mooch around the shops beforehand and I had purchased a WW2 Mustang toy foam glider plane thingy that I used to collect as a kid from the toy shop.  I’m still prone to buying them now; you know the self-assembly ones which are about 50p? (piccy below).

Anyway, I decided that it’d be rather funny to throw it into the projector light during the trailers, purely because Streatham’s main screen had SUCH a high ceiling and it would go on for ages.  So that’s what I did.  I threw it.  Down with the system!

I can remember it in utterly vivid detail, slow motion.  The plane majestically flew down in a straight line, lit up by the projector light and then all of a sudden the trailer changed to ‘Pearl Harbour’.  It was fucking uncanny and I almost wet myself as the Mustang hurtled towards the screen to defend the harbour from the Mitsubishi Zero’s!  As it got closer the shadow began to get bigger on the screen and people began to notice.  God knows how I didn’t wet myself.

The real joke is that the prank was actually more historically accurate than the film ‘Pearl Harbour’; which was a big bag of Hollywood wank.

Toro Toro Toro!!!!!  AIeieieieieieieiieiei!  Oh, and I thought Unbreakable was shite too.

glider

European elections

Those who know me will no doubt be aware of my general dislike of the B.N.P. (British National Party); they have succeeded in winning two European parliamentary seats in this weeks elections.

This isn’t a shock, to me at least; the government and political system of the U.K. is generally unfit for purpose and right wing scabs capitalize on people’s fears. I genuinely hope that the BNP’s increase in popularity is more down to the miguised protest of Harold Smith (average Joe) against the system, rather than actually believing any of the thinly veiled bile they pass off as policies?  The papers claim the BNP’s votes are down compared to 2004, however I’ve certainly heard more than a few sympathisers around my local area.

It’s also no surprise that the victories were in Yorkshire either, having been to Bradford (aptly called Bradistan due to the vast Muslim population) I can vouch how divided and segregated this part of the UK is; especially compared to the Hindu population of Leicester.  I found Bradford quite intimidating initially until I persisted a bit more with making acquaintences!  Saying that, women’s lib has hardly made it to Yorkshire yet, so I imagine it’ll be a few more years before anyone other than Mr Whitey-White-White, Pure English blood for 20 generations considers sharing a lift with anyone remotely foreign.

Change is needed in this country, desperately, but facism and nationalism should not be bedfellows; I just hope Primark doesn’t start selling brown shirts in bulk or Croydon may yet resemble Nuremberg in 1927.

Out the racist scum!

BBC – Earth News

The BBC news website has recently launched – Earth News which I thought I’d post a quick link about.

I read the science and nature pages on the BBC each day when browsing the site, and thought it was fantastic the BBC had beefed this up by launching the Earth News section which has some brilliant iplayer stuff on it and funky photos.

Now, if only they’d put on all of Sir David Attenboroughs back catalogue on it I’d be very happy; why isn’t it free on the site already eh, eh, EH!?!?!

Bulletproof Turbans!?!?

It was with great mirth that I stumbled upon a BBC news story regarding  a request by the British Sikh Police Association (or turbanators for short) to research into developing bulletproof turbans to be introduced so that they can break into areas of the force that require them to wear a protective helmet; something that their religion forbids.

Bulletproof turbans.  AH HA HA HA HA HA!  How funny is that?  Seriously?!?!  At first I thought it was an April Fools prank, a headline worthy of a Spike Milligan sketch; but no, this is a legit story (link at bottom of thread).

I do empathise with anyone whose religion gets in the way of their safety; like catholics who are told not to wear condoms by the pope for example.  “God will save you from your nob dropping off my children!”.  Why would you possibly enter into a vocation where you know that your career path would be limited due to cultural or religious beliefs?  It’d be like a Jewish man going to work in an abattoir and refusing to work on the sausage production line?  That’s where all the money is, have you seen how much Sainsbury’s charges for it’s posh red wine and goats cheese sausies these days?  They’ll probably put a “Yid Free – Taste the Difference” label on them to pop the price up another 50p.

What troubled me even more was that West Midlands Police spent £100,000 on trying to adapt safety helmets to fit over turbans last year.  £100,000!!!!  It’s amazing would you could achieve with 1 child potty and some masking tape.   Lordy lordy.

I think it would be FAR more affective to have a rapid response squad of traditional Sikh warriors turn up at a serious crime scene sporting their turbans, sabres, knives between their teeth and trained monkeys!!!  Hardened criminals would think twice wouldn’t they???  Yep, that’s the solution.  Definately.

Anyway, here’s the story.  CLICK HERE FOR STORY

doublehardbastards