Smoke me a kipper skipper

I am the only adult in my family never to have smoked, never taken a drag in fact; and I have vehemently been opposed to this particular vice since I could talk.

People have always rolled their eyes at my lectures and protests, and more often than not laughed off my advice to quit. I have chilled out in the last few years, and now have a policy of letting people get on with it unless it encroaches upon my personal space.

However, Sunday night I came downstairs to find my mum unable to breathe and a rather odd colour. I left her inhaling steam from a bowl of hot water I setup and called an ambulance. She had the bad flu going around and had developed a chest infection.

Such was the lack of oxygen in her blood, she spent most of Sunday night in A&E on the cusp of intensive care. Luckily she responded to treatment with nebulizers, steroids and IV antibiotics.

My mum had essentially developed emphysema and COPD (constructive obstructive pulmonary disease) due to being a very heavy smoker since she was around 8 years old.

Mum is so fearful of another attack that she will never smoke again. I only hope that she makes good this promise. To some degree I can empathise with the generation that got hooked before government health warnings advised how dangerous it is.

I can’t and never will understand anyone who does smoke, especially those who started with the warnings and information around.

To this end I have published the picture below, with mums full support in the hope that it will deter or make smokers consider the pain they will cause themselves and love ones if they continue what they are doing.

Hello 2009

Thank you to all those who restored my faith in the average person somewhat.

I received a variety of messages from anti-revellers saying they could relate to my previous post and  it seems not everybody was attending a parkour themed party in Londonshire.

So far I have started off the new year by firmly sitting in my duvet reading random rubbish on the BBC newsite as usual.  One thing I was slightly amused  by, was the declaration from those clever gits at the Met weather office that it would be “Cold for the forseable future”.  Do they have mystical seers down there who can really predict the future?  I always wondered how they could tell what the weather was going to be for the week, and it’s slightly feasible that they have a department made up of blind but sixth sense sensitive magi kitted with crystal balls and tarot cards?

I suppose I really should venture off out and grimace as neighbours wish me a “Happy new year!” and throw such witty quips at me like “hey Kev, I haven’t seen you since last year!!!!” followed by a cheesy finger point.  Ok, I must confess the latter probably would make me laugh somewhat, but only because it’s so offensively nob that it’s funny.

Yes, I think I shall celebrate the new year with a rather wholesome bacon baguette.  Brown sauce please.  Oh the irony…….

Goodbye 2008

Well that’s it then, I didn’t make the Queen’s honours list, again, and there can be no surer way of knowing that the year is coming to an end than having been snubbed by old Lizzie chops for my outstanding contribution to society; save perhaps dozens of people all stuck on the same poxy bit of vinyl asking me what I’m doing for New Years Eve?
What am I doing? Quite simply, bugger all. I have never enjoyed participating in what I believe to be a load of old bollocks, so why do these people (who should know me quite well) keep asking?. You can stuff your 10 second countdown, closeup shots of Big Ben and the hourly update shot of some country that gets to let off it’s fireworks before we do.
I honestly couldn’t give a cats cunt about the whole affair. I’ve never understood the mindset of people who think all their problems will vanish, just because of a digit change on the calendar. “I shall be glad to see the back of 2008”, why? Surely it wasn’t ALL bad? Why are people so inherently negative?
There are citizens of the United Kingdom out and about tonight, paying an entry charge into the very same pubs they probably drink in normally throughout the year, only then to enjoy inflated drink prices before singing ‘Auld Langs Whinge’ .
And that’s the lower end of the spectrum for cost, there are actually some very silly bastards who are actually paying a couple of hundred quid to go up into London for a couple of hours. Can you believe that? Seriously? It’s like people getting on a ferry from Dover to Calais and coming back straight on the same ferry just to buy cheap fags.
I genuinely feel like catching a tube up into town tonight and mooning all the so called revellers. That’s another word I really dislike, reveller.
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Definition of ‘reveller’ – “Used to describe a person who goes to the New Years Eve gathering in Trafalgar Square wearing fairtrade combat trousers, a cluster of beads bought from an orphaned child whilst building a well in Borneo and sporting a tiara (even if it’s a guy) bought off of Ebay. Often hypocritically ignorant of the carbon handprints they are leaving behind.”
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Self righteous rant aside, I would like to wish everyone a very inspiring 2009. Stay lucky punks!,

Picture – Reveller, or a bloody fool.



Our 1st Birthday

Today marks the 1st anniversary of our blog, I’d like to commemorate the occasion by popping up a thread to celebrate this most joyous of moments.

Playing music again and having the occasional jam during 2008 has been fantastic and something I truly missed in my old ‘life’. Such simple pleasures should never be taken for granted my friends.

In an effort to record more and step things up a level (to actually record a complete track would by my ultimate aim!) I have been reorganising my home setup and intend to spend more time at the mixing desk instead of the PC; work permitting obviously.

Cheers muchly to all you regular visitors to the site out there who lurk quietly in the background and nag me if I haven’t written anything lately.  I love you all darlings.

Lastly, I’d like to say a big thank you to Alex for updating and hosted the site until it was moved over to a hosted blog this month.  Respec’.

Happy birfinday.

Kev

Antikrishmas – An alternative message

I am sitting here rather stuffed and jolly having just tackled my Christmas roast below. As you can see it’s a rather splendid effort by mummy dearest; or “Brontasaurus and chips” as coined by my grandfather.

Lounging on my sofa it occurred to me that people around the UK are either watching the Queen deliver her Christmas message, or witness Iranian President Mammaries Armoureddinnerjacket squeeze his alternative message out on Channel 4 (amazing what Leftie t.v. will do next in order to bump up it’s viewer figures). Not to be outdone I thought I’d have a go. Ahem.

1). Please, please, please can the hideously outdated Catholic Church get a new Pope, one who doesn’t wish to continue his brief career in the Waffen SS and “help” all gays everywhere. After the gays it’ll be people with clubbed feet and before we know it, hetrosexual unmarried men such as myself living in occasional sin will have holy water thrown at them and tambourines shaked in their faces?

2). I urge all the indigenous homeless people of the UK to take up arms, legs and torsos and reclaim their big issue franchises from the foreign homeless types that have clearly strong-armed them from their rightful place outside Somerfields across the country. It’s a human rights tragedy i’m telling ya, and the United Nations should get involved.

3). Woolworths should close immediately and put people working there out of their misery selling such tat. Vacant shops will be recycled and used as ‘contact centres’ for BNP opportunists. Saves them all hiding on the BBC’s ‘have your say’ messageboards.

4). The phrase ‘credit crunch’ has been considerably overused and is hereby banned from public use with immediate effect. It will be replaced by ‘sensible wallet syndrome’ and monitored by the ‘Socially Korrupt and Independant National Titwank Trust’ , or ‘S.K.I.N.T.T’ for short.

5). The Daily Mail shall also cease to publish it’s poison penned tripe immediately and it’s brainwashed readership shall be reintegrated back into the modern world following a rehabilitation programme involving a non-stop 24 hour reading session of Viz and the Beano. Overuse of words and phrases like ‘draconian’, ‘nanny state’ and ‘work-challenged spooks’ will eventually die out.

I should like to take this opportunity to urge you all to be mindful of your neighbour the next time you receive their post and are tempted to see how badly they are in dept or if they have subscribed to ‘Readers Wives take 10 inch black cocks’.

Additionally, don’t use your VISA wantonly and avoid using your credit cards to buy that flashy car you don’t really ‘need’ unless you have a good enough body to sell in order to pay for your ill gotten gains.

Most important of all stay warm, and don’t tickle any disgruntled grizzly bears.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to wish you all Merry Christmas and a Happy 2009.

Sag aloo.