I do love Gulab Jamons, but clearly not as much as these guys……..
Category Archives: Bits and Pieces
Today, I have mostly been eating……
……..tons of food 🙂
I would also like to add that I currently have two Cadbury’s milk chocolate Flakes chilling in my fridge……mmmmmmmmmmmm.
Boxing Day bargain hunt
For Christmas this year I was given a nice wedge of Rupees and decided to take my regular trip to the Croydon sales; gammy leg in tow.
Now then, I expected the vast crowds; what I didn’t expect was that Croydon had turned into a bargain standoff between the entire local Indian community and a healthy chunk of it’s African counterparts.
You had to be there to believe it, my Asian bretheren used several family members to blockade everyone else whilst the matriarchs rifled through the bargains for their men; had I not waded in and reached over my five-foot-nothing ancestors I would have come away empty handed.
I managed to get two pukka coats, a couple of fine silk ties and a rather snazzy shirt; then rapidly left the Maelstrom that was Debenhams!
They’ll probably still be there right now; the whole thing felt like i was watching a cutting-floor reel of a Tarantino film that had stylishly spliced scenes from Zulu and Ghandi!
One thing I couldn’t work out though; where were all the honkeys?!?
Merry Antikrishmas
Merry Christmas one and all! Ho ho ho and all that old chestnut.
I write this Christmas Day entry somewhat stuffed and in an empty house; My grandfather has had it away on his toes already and Mum has gone next door for a few tipples with the neighbours.
Today was always going to be a quiet affair with just the three of us here, Boxing Day (26th December for all my American fans out there) will involve my Sister Lorraine and her family coming over for dinner, and then the 27th will be more like the Christmas Day I remember as a kid with my brother Brian bringing his family up and Lorraine’s mob all coming up as well.
I shall enjoy the peace and quiet whilst it lasts……………
Mum made a sterling effort today, her roast dinner was absolutely top notch and thought I’d pop up a picture of her ‘slap in the face to third world poverty’ offering; especially considering that I only get one roast dinner out of her a year these days; I intend to savour the memory of it!
As you can see it’s a rather hefty arrangement of Roast Turkey, Roast Pork, Crackling, Pigs in Blankets (little sausages wrapped in bacon), cauliflour, sprouts, peas, roasted potatoes, stuffing and gravy!  And yes, I ate every single last piece!
I hope everyone out there has had a rather funky day with their family, friends or hookers; I shall leave you all with a picture showing what my face looks like after I’ve eaten such a meal.
Happy Yuletide chums.
Oprah Winfrey interviews Michael Jackson (Bo’ selecta!)
This is my favourite scene from the Chamone Mofo Bo’ Selecta! Michael Jackson special.
I think Leigh Francis’s Oprah Winfrey is hilarious.
Saw – Xbox 360 Review

I’m something of a latecomer to the Saw film franchise and was only introduced to the world of Jigsaw last week when I watched the 1st and 2nd films back to back; I enjoyed them both so much that I also spent this Saturday totally engrossed in the 3rd, 4th and 5th installments. Nice one for the recommendation Ang!
For me the films aren’t JUST about the gore or the traps for which they are infamously known, personally I enjoyed witnessing the transition of John Kramer from terminal cancer patient to becoming the films lead protagonist and a serial ‘killer’; Jigsaw.
A terminal diagnosis and losing an unborn son result in Kramer eventually attempting to take his own life on two occasions, both are unsuccessful and result in a life-changing epiphany; Kramers rebirth is complete and Jigsaw is born. Kramer decides to dedicate the remainder of his life by capturing and testing the immoral and those he feels have devalued their own lives into playing deadly games which ultimately offer retribution; but at a high price.
The xbox 360 game puts you in the place of Homicide Detective Tapp (Danny Glover’s character from the first film) whose obsession into catching Jigsaw becomes his own undoing; as the introduction kicks in you immediately know that the game means business because you awake to find that you are wearing the same reverse beartrap device which is seen in the first film. You are given 60 seconds to remove the helmet, or your face explodes.
The controls of the game are very intuitive, from the reaction button prompts which you have to hit in sequence in order to remove the reverse beartrap to the overal control of the character from when you escape it’s clutches.
The look of the game is also quite brilliant, totally recapturing the dirty, macabre and dilapidated industrial surroundings that are synonymous with the films; the lighting, colours and mood of the game are absolutely spot on; I loved how atmospheric the lighting becomes when you use a zippo lighter to illuminate certain areas in the game.
I would have no hesitation in drawing a comparison to ‘Silent Hill’ in the way the game oozes atmosphere, but in many ways ‘Saw’ is far more disturbing because it attacks your senses straight from the beginning; no sooner are you out of the initial bathroom you’re then confronted by the distant cries of a man screaming for help before being thrust into another ‘game’.
Puzzles that I encountered within the first 30 minutes or so were nicely thought out, not too easy, not too hard; I expect the games difficulty will increase as you go. I also really enjoy the way in which Jigsaw ensures that other ‘players’ will seek you out when you find that he has implanted a key into your body which is required for the others to escape.
The combat in the game nice and simple too which is refreshing; although I loved the ‘Silent Hill’ games, I often felt the combat could have been a bit better sometimes within the franchise.
I expect that I’ll be spending a few evenings helping Detective Tapp search the abandoned hospital for Jigsaw with the aid of his flickering zippo lighter and a trusty bit of pipe; I’ve embedded a bit of footage below which will give you a brief glimpse at the game. Try not to laugh where I had problems getting the doors to close on the toilets!
Fucking doors!
HINT – The 1 in the combination is actually a 7!
Xbox 360 ban wave
And so we come to it, Microsoft has been carrying out out it’s annual ‘ban wave’ over the last couple of weeks; designed to target the modified console community (or pirates to those in the media) just before the biggest game of the year comes out; oh yes, and Christmas. Pfffftttt.
As per usual, you get the mass media hype saying how pirating is damaging the gaming industry; personally I’d say the damage was done years ago by Sony and it’s aggressive surge into the market but there you are. Alas, I can appreciate how pirating games is naughty, but I can also understand why it brings out a rebellious streak in some who people prefer not to pay £50 a game each time.
What will this mean to those who have had their consoles banned from playing on xbox live? Well, after talking to my friends who have been caught had their legs slapped, I’m of the impression that most will go out and buy a new machine, keep it legit and buy only the very best games to play online; the new Call of Duty – Modern Warfare 2 game for example.
Most would probably keep the modded xbox for playing copied games offline and still save a significant amount of money in the long run by doing this. Not a big deal really when you look at it like that is it?
So what have Microsoft gained by doing this? Was it ever about piracy? I don’t really believe it was personally. Who will suffer? US games developers probably because there’s sod all development left in the UK now.
20 million people apparently play xbox live, an estimated 900,000 of those are banned for using modded boxes. If you take the average price of a console as £150.00 then that means that’s £135,000,000 in the coffers IF most go out and buy another machine. £135 million quid!
No, I personally think that this is more about Christmas sales figures, the Nintendo Wii and Slim PS3 have all been flying off the shelves lately, so Microsoft has to get their console sales figures up. What better way to do it than through a ban wave and look to be addressing a piracy issue at the same time? What would be more damaging for the Xbox, 1/20th of it’s online users having modified boxes, or slipping down in the console ranks?
What will I do? Lets just say I intend on writing quite a few ‘early’ game reviews on Antikrish should I have the time 🙂
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr Jim lad!
32 years young and still Looking for Eric
I’ve run out of salutations full of cliche, so I shall just say hello!
Tis my 32nd birthday today, I write this particular entry in the warm confines of my bedroom having spent the morning mooching around the house and chatting to Mum who has been making a royal fuss. I endured the uncomfortable sensation of opening up my birthday cards (I’ve had a strange phobia of them since I was a small child) but thoroughly appreciated the warm gestures from within them; cash is always welcome. ::hint hint, nudge nudge, cockney shuffle::
So what to do today? Well, it’s a Sunday, and Sunday’s are generally a bit rubbish aren’t they? So I’ve stocked up on films and intend to just chill out in between the occasional visit by family and friends.
I’ve literally just watched ‘Looking for Eric‘ and I honestly could not have watched something more uplifting and appropriate. It’s gritty, funny, a fantastic social commentary of modern day Manchester and heartily recommend it; even if you aren’t a fan of football. I’d liken it to an amateur version of ‘Harvey’ crossed with ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ but suspect Baldie would smack my face with a glove when I next see him. Ooops, too late, I already have.
Eric Cantona is the player I tend to think of most when I recall the many games Dad took me to, he was by far and most Dad’s favourite player and will forever more represent all the gushy and slushy memories that I hold of the old man.
To see this film today was perfect because it reminded me of when my idol met his idol for the upteenth time at a beach football competition in Richmond; was the only time Dad had ever let me pay for the tickets and we met Eric having sneaked into the V.I.P. area (such was our speciality) whilst he was having a massage. Unlike a lot of footballers today, Eric (and a lot of players from that era) had time for his fans, happy to discuss his passion for the game and what inspired him.
If I”m ever lucky enough to meet him again I will thank him for the picture below which always makes me smile.
Legend.

Happy Diwali
A message from his holiness:
Swami Prahabudbudwiser Antikrish III
My children, this Diwali I would respectfully request that you all break with the usual traditions and celebrate my immense greatness by lighting lots and lots of cherry scented candles.
When you have at least 666 candles lit, commence throwing fireworks at each other (no Catherine wheels) until not a single air bomb or rocket resides in your shop windows. Finally, before the midnight hour signals the end of the day, you must kiss the first cow that you see! Not Jersey cows though, they are bastards! ::spits::
Follow my instructions and you will all have a peaceful, happy and prosperous New Year. Or your money back!
Kiss my brown self, owwwwwwwwww!
Hello chums.
My plan for Diwali was to ride over to my pal Alan’s and let him test out the snazzy video camera gadget that he’d installed on his motorbike.
The ‘Dogcam 520 pro’ was fitted in the rear (best place for it Alan?) to pick me as I travelled along the winding roads of Kent; in reality the footage only lasted a mere 6 minutes because Al used cheap batteries from Hong Kong and the majority of what did get recorded showed him struggling to get the cover back on over the top of the camcorders hidey space thingamy. Riveting stuff!
I have of course included the footage below so that Mr McSpielberg may receive plaudits for his directing skills. Getting my own ‘Dogcam’ may well be on the cards; I suspect that it could have some very amusing applications!?! I say, get your mind out of the gutter, I’m a respectable man you know!
Right, I’m off to scoff my commemorate the Festival of Lights with a good curry.
Sag aloo!
Now available in HD
No Anglo Indians were harmed in the production of this film.
………..although I was arguably exploited?



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