Category Archives: Bits and Pieces

Disappointing (or poopy) films…

I’ve really been looking forward to watching both the new Narnia film and the new Indiana Jones film.

Here are my incredibly infomative and useful reviews for the 2 aforementioned films.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian – It’s ok(ish), drags on a bit, the story is a bit jumpy and the action is a bit flat.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – Hmmmm. Harrison Ford looks bored, the story is a bit poopy™, I found Shia LaBeouf to be a bit annoying and the film was generally dull.

So…I present to you something a lot more entertaining than Prince Caspian and Indiana HuntingforBones…

Cockney terms for money

Ooooh, a bit of Antikrish research ensued this Sunday afternoon all because of my friend Beth’s status update on Facebook.

Beth said she wanted a monkey (assuming it was because a friend went to the zoo and not due to anything unwholesome), anyway, to me a monkey is £500 (my dad and brother also use these terms a fair bit) and after educating her on this I eventually pondered where the saying came from originally.

So, a bit of background. Various people from London (mainly working class) have different names for certain denominations of money, some get their meaning from cockney rhyming slang, for example, a fiver is a ‘lady’ (cockney rhyming slang for Lady Godiver), a tenner is a ‘cockle’ (Cock and hen = ten).

There are also terms for money which don’t have a link to rhyming slang, like a Pony (£25), a score (£20), and a monkey to name but a few.

Imagine how chuffed I was to find that the term ‘monkey’ and ‘pony’ all stem from British colonialism in India. How cool is that?

“The term monkey comes from British soldiers returning from India where the 500 rupee note had a picture of a monkey on it. They used the term monkey for 500 rupees and on returning to England the saying was converted for sterling to mean £500. The 25 rupee note had a picture of a pony on it, hence why a pony is £25.”

Nice one Beth, you monkey lover!

Guildwars – The continuing adventures of ‘Eat More Food’ and ‘The Antikrish’

Given that Alex and I have both started doing music again and partaking in the time honoured tradition of ordering take aways (eating enough for 4 people); Alex suggested that I borrow an unused copy of ‘Guildwars’ (thanks Josie!) and reignite our tradition for online gaming.

Al and I have enjoyed playing online games via our PC’s (PC stands for personal computer and not police constable in this instance) for yonks and yonks (a long time); often indulging in Unreal Tournament (bang bang), Diablo 2 (kerpow gadzooks) and my personal fave, Age of Empires 2 – The Conquerors Expansion (parp).

Guildwars is very much a natural progression from Diablo 2, an online role playing game with a self contained world full of magic, collectable items, monsters and sharpened sticks for gamers to throw at said nasties.

I was a little skeptical at first, given that my home desktops aren’t capable of playing hi-tech games because of their age; however I soon discovered that the laptop I had purchased in the States is more than capable of generating the online splendour that is Guildwars. Huzzah.

After a few hours in the game I quickly grew to like how relaxing it is. In short, It’s fantastic, and there’s no bloody fee either! Alex and I are typically ‘Indian’ in our reluctance to pay out a monthly fee for a game like Warcraft when Guildwars is pukka enough and did I mention it’s free?!?!

Anyway, I eventually returned Josie’s copy (hopefully she’ll team up with us at some point) and bought my own, created an own account and am now the proud owner of a level 7 warrior called…..yep, you guessed it, ‘The Antikrish’, Alex has a slightly higher level bald monk (can you see a theme here?) called ‘Eat More Food’ and together we are bringing justice to the realm!

Anyway, I’ll stick up some screenies and updates regarding our exciting adventures shortly. Should you fancy joining us then grab a copy HERE.

TIME TO DIE!!!!

EDIT : KEV – First piccy – ‘An unfortunate viewpoint?’

gw_sack1

Rainbow Six – Vegas 2 ** COMPLETED **

Last week Dilli (ACE Clan leader) and I quite literally stormed through the online story mode of Rainbow Six Vegas 2 (XBOX360 version).  We did the majority of the game in one night, leaving 3 acts to polish up two days later.  And I have to say I was pretty impressed.  There was absolutely zero frame rate lag, it ran smoothly and I thought the lighting etc was top notch.

Speaking to friends on Xbox live regarding Vegas 2 most seem to have the opinion that it is just a very tweaked and polished version of the first game, and I’m inclined to agree; although to be fair I loved the first to death so a Vegas 2.1 is extremely welcome. 

It still encompasses everything I like from the first game, add to that a new run feature (the previous game involved a lot of slow movement and careful planning, so the fact you can run at your opponents and break cover quickly mixes things up nicely).  Effects on things like heat and night vision goggles are improved a great deal.

I have to say, the level design and online map structure is bloody fantastic, I genuinely take my hat off to the designers because they’re so well thought out and gave a completely fresh feel to the sequel compared to the very claustrophobic maps in the first game.  I am also a huge fan of the aptly named ACE levelling system (I’ve been a member of the ACE clan since November 2004, so nice that they named it after us!  HA!).

Anyway, there’s still a fair bit to crack in the game yet, the single player story mode will be fun to try, plus obviously there’s the online PvP modes of gaming, (with servers which don’t boast a particularly regular population; most likely due to the fact that everyone is either on Halo 3, Grand Theft Auto IV or Call of Duty 4) which is a shame because I really think the game is excellent and there are times I can’t be bothered with the online U.S.A. Vs U.K. bickering on Call of Duty 4.  It’s not my fault you keep getting in the way of bullets you troublesome yank teens!  Be quick or be dead!!!!  God save the Queen etc.

Anyway, Rainbox Six Las Vegas 2 gets my official Antikrish endorsement.  Buy it. 

Japanese prank show clips

The first clip below is about a poor unsuspecting chap who gets in the back of a taxi, the driver is actually a stunt driver and takes him on the ride of his life. I quite nearly wet myself laughing at the passengers reaction.

The second clip is actually a series of various pranks, my personal favourite has got to be the exploding cigarette guy around 0:59 seconds. My brother and I used to regularly booby trap my mothers ciggies and watch in delight as they used to blow out in cartoon-scale hilarity.

Japanese Gameshows

I have had an obsession with Japanese game shows right from when I first saw Japanese Endurance clips on Clive James’s telelvision programme during the eighties. My Dad and I would quite literally be in tears laughing at the participants trying to endure the most crazy tasks; a personal favourite was a guy who had to go through a tunnel and have live eels and other sea-creatures dropped on him. The chap in question gave the obligatory salute and yell, dive into the tunnel, only to then suddenly come shooting out seconds later with an octopus wrapped around his arm (it was clearly biting him).

The very old gameshow ‘Takeshi’s Castle’ also provided Dad and I with a lot of laughs thanks to re-runs on Challenge TV. It’s a shame that we only get mainstream 80’s game shows rather than the modern mayhem I saw during my visit. Kid’s doing a morning aerobics workout with a power ranger was one in particularly that genuinely twisted my melon the first day I was in Tokyo.

I finally made it to Japan just over 3 years ago now and my most vivid memory is of me sitting bleary eyed in my hotel room watching various shows whilst extremely jetlagged only to be confronted by the most incredible sunrises. I think the beauty of Japanese telelvision is that you can pretty much figure out what’s going on without speaking the language, and it genuinely doesn’t matter how obscure or surreal the game itself actually is.

The clip below features a game where an extremely brave guy has to submerge his body in Onsen (Japanese hot public baths/springs) grade waters (temperatures around 50oC/120oF) in order to score points. The point keeper is a scantily clad Japanese girl who has to bounce up and down on the point scoring button in her bikini. In reflection I always found these game shows funny because of my black sense of humour (laughing at the discomfort of others is still a bit of a vice of mine), but I’ve come to very much appreciate the game shows epitomisation of the Japanese people’s tendancy to ‘Get up and have a go’; something I have a profound respect for. Still, this is bloody funny?

Caterpillar?!?! Plus, today’s puzzler!

Are you quite sure it was actually a caterpillar and not a misplaced eyebrow or something equally deceptive?  Maybe it was a bogey covered in belly button fluff which was slowly convulsing along with the beat of your next door neighbours bollywood top ten hits parade on their radio?

Additionally, I hope said woman washed her hands after plunging her fingers around your rim because refraining from such an important hygienic practice after said rimceedure (a rimming proceedure) would only mean she was a dirty bird?  And we can’t have any of those around can we old fruit? 

I mean, look what it did to your snare drum technique last time, what with all that shakey wrist tomfoolery and such, indeed, terrible business, poor show and all that, what what what?!?!?

Anyway, today’s puzzler.  Freckles, is it just a melanocortin-1 receptor MC1r gene dermal variant OR is there a wider conspiracy to hand?  Top scientists claim that freckles are actually copper-proficient jizz facials from poltergeists?  You decide!!!!!!!

The caterpillar and my cock

Fuckadoo! I’ve just had a near death experience. Or rather, I nearly had a near death experience.
Let’s see…where to start…

I went to my bathroom for a wee-wee™. I did the usual, got my cock out and aimed…and then I noticed a wiggly wavey thing underneath the rim inside the toilet.

Let’s get this sorted out straight away…the “wiggly wavey thing” was not my cock…it was an insect. The “rim” is not some reference to my cock either, certainly not my foreskin as I don’t have one…just ask Kevin, he’ll back me up. Hold on…now you might be thinking “How does Kevin know that Alex hasn’t got a foreskin?”. Fuckadoo!

Anyway, back to my nearly near death experience. The wiggly wavey thing in the toilet was a caterpillar! Fuckadoo!!!! Some enterprising mummy moth had flown in my toilet, laid a mummy moth eggy thing and then buggered off. The recent warm weather caused the caterpillar baby to <scientific term>’atch out<scientific term> and that’s when I saw him waving his little head. Although..it could have been his arse, I guess we’ll never know.

So…I did what all men would do in this situation, I got a woman to get rid of it for me by flushing it down the toilet. Fuckadoo! It was great, I didn’t have to do a thing except give instructions from the comfort of another room.

So, here’s the really scarey part of my gripping story. What if…instead of needing a piss…I had gone for a shit instead. Think about it…my cock would have been so close to the wiggly wavey caterpillar. He might have jumped onto my knob! Ewwwwwwwwwww!

fuckadoooooo