Kev’s first trip to Brighton by motorbike

Blimey, I ache, but what an adventure!

I set off at around 8:30am this morning to meet my friend Simon (work colleague) by the roadside cafe in Coulsdon. The plan: to scoff breakfast before we began heading down to Brighton together; alas, Simon text to say he was sick and not up for going, git. So I finished up my bacon sandwiches and headed off into the unknown (or Godstone) to meet my mate (and boss) Alan and his acquaintance Scott to begin our journey down to Brighton together.

Now, let me be perfectly frank, since passing my CBT earlier in the week I’ve done a few miles locally in and around Croydon/Sutton which was great fun; however the idea of riding 40 odd miles to Brighton and then back again was rather daunting to say the least. In fact, I was cacking myself at the prospect of having to keep up with two very experienced riders AND tackle just about every car/bike/soapbox racer from here to the seafront.

One thing I thought was really cool, was that other bike owners nod their head to you in a mark of respect; I really digged the camaraderie.

Learners like myself are not permitted to travel on the motorways, and although I was initially disappointed by this when I found out, I quickly changed my mind given that I realised you’d miss all the funky ‘A’ and ‘B’ roads that have so much to see compared to going on generic looking motorways. On the way down we passed through some really lovely country towns and villages including one of Alex’s favourites, Lewes, before eventually making it to the coast at around lunchtime. On a bike you feel so amazingly aware of your surroundings that you can’t help feel slightly relaxed when you pass through a gorgeous old town with lots of character after coming out of stressful London and it’s suburbs.

You probably know the sort of places I mean? A quintessential English village, frozen in time, with a token old man passing by the solitary convenience shop, walking his jack russell dog on the way to the pub for some pork scratchings? Had there been Morris dancers poncing about next to a game of cricket on the village green it would have been perfect. In fact, had this been the case then I probably would have impaled the Morris dancers with the spare set of stumps and sat watching the cricket instead of going any further.

Upon entering Brighton I felt a wave of pride as I saw the sea (ding ding ding ding, another pun!); it’s a bizarre thing really because I never expected it to matter in such a way because as far as I’m usually concerned it’s just going from one place to another (I can be a bit black and white like that, no pun intended). But in reality it felt like I’d really accomplished something today having not ended up in a tree like Marc Bolan; if you don’t know who he is, leave my blog now and never return!

The three of us parked up, had lunch (I had fresh cod and chips which was fantastic, cheers Scott!) and after a seafront stroll we headed back to London. It was bloody cold down there though, and even with three layers on including my jacket I felt chilled to the bone. So off we went again……that was until my right throttle housing decided to come lose, and considering that’s the bit you hold on to/make the bike go brrrm brrrm brrrm, probably not the best thing to fail on a bike going around a corner at 60mph. Goodbye testicles!

Luckily, I pulled over by a Kwik fit and the guy there tightened it up for me using an allen key (really nice chap, no charge) and off I went again……for about 2 miles when I broke down again. This time due to a lack of power (eventually found out it was because of a dodgy fuel tank supply tap). Bugger! I thought I was cursed, perhaps I’d been too elated at having made it down there in one piece and now I was now going to have to suffer the humiliation of being recovered back home. Worst still, my roadside policy is through work. Can you imagine the stick I’d have gotten from people in my office!?!?! I work with former army engineers and grease monkeys for gods sakes. I’d have had to give my notice in, no two ways about it. I’d rather french kiss Amy Winehouse after she’s smoked 20 Bensons than be recovered back home.

Luckily, Alan did a bit of a roadside tinkering and after a couple of road tests (and 2 more breakdowns) my bike was broken no more, and, after seeing my companions go their own way, I hammered it all the way home in time for tea and crumpets. My bike had never been better in fact and I’m happy to report it’s happily parked up in my garage whilst I sit here with my feet up and have a blanket over my legs keeping them warm. Rock and roll?

I had to post this picture, it’s at the point I’d taken my crash helmet off and was shaking my hair which hasn’t been cut for a month. Just in case you wanted to see firsthand the Anglo-Indian hair curse that I have to carry. Now, where’s the rum gone?

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Kev passes his CBT!

I have successfully completed my Compulsory Bike Test (CBT) and can now officially ride my bike, woohoo!

It really was good fun doing the required two hour road test in and around Wimbledon town centre; upon reflection the whole experience felt a total contrast to how isolated and uncomfortable I felt when doing the dozen or so car driving lessons all those years ago. Riding a bike felt good, and as much as it’s probably a cliche, I really felt the adrenaline begin to course through my veins as I zippped along at 30 miles per hour.

30 Mph might not sound all that fast, but at that speed the wind begins to howl against your body and you silently thank yourself for not choosing to wear the big MC Hammer style pantaloons which you have in storage from the 80’s, instead choosing to opt for the sensible pair of jeans.

Anyway, I’m glad I can finally dig the bike out of the garage and get out and about on the highway of desire (apologies, I couldn’t help but coin that pun after thinking Jimi Hendrix’s track ‘Ezy Rider’ in my head as I took off the silly ‘twat in training’ reflective bib that you have to wear).

You mark my words, I’ll be doing Steve McQueen style jumps over Nazi borders before you know it.  Take that kaiser you square headed ras claat!

These garments should NOT be considered sensible bikewear
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He-man – Anglo Indian??!?

Hmmmmmmmm.  Why does Prince Adam suddenly get a slight tan when he changes into He-Man?  My theory is that I reckon he’s actually Anglo Indian.

It all fits.  Big strapping build, blonde hair and then ‘BANG’, sword gets waved about in a camp fashion, lightning all over the fucking place, a deep voice and a slight peanut tan appears out of nowhere along with really confused chameleon hair which can’t make up it’s mind if it’s dark brown or heading towards ginger.  Definately Anglo Indian.

Check out around 0:32 seconds for the tan change……

I also suspect Orko may be from Pakistan originally.  My sources tell me that he lost his legs in a freak freight train accident and eventually learned to levitate thanks to the power of his nag champas.

Cringer is just a cunt, and if he was in a bar fight I’d glass him (you’d have to use a crossbow or something with range if he was Battlecat though?)

Sorceress = TITS!

Street fighter 4 – Review

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Fucking yes!  I was lucky enough to get hold of a Japanese copy of Street Fighter 4 which is due out in the UK on the 20th February 2009; suffice to say that I am extremely chuffed.  Oh yes.

My love affair with the Street Fighter series goes back right to my Commodore 64 days with the first game which was nigh on impossible to beat, and then Street Fighter 2 which I became totally obsessed with at around 11 years old thanks to the MASSIVE arcade cabinets down in Selsey Bill.  As my parents threw wild BBQ’s for hundreds of cockneys, I smashed the utter shit out of whoever I could at SF2 (It still makes me cringe to think how determined I was to totally decimate a really mouthy Korean kid in an arcade located in Kansas, he was about 11 and I was 20.  Still beat him like a punk bitch).  As you can see, it brings out the competitive streak in me.

Oh how I remember bunking off of school and going up into the prototype arcade machine halls in Warren Street, London with a friend of mine and living on the edge.  “Hey mate, you got 50p?”.  “No, fuck off!”.  How I avoided getting stabbed by the usual scum that lurk around arcades I’l never know?  You could say that It was fate that I survived and mastered my Dragon Punch technique.  Sho-Ryu-Ken-Slag!

The much maligned third game was also a favourite of mine on the Sega Dreamcast (my favourite console of all time), it was pretty innovative with the parry and blocking system  and I’m glad to see so much of it’s influence went into the guts of Street Fighter 4.  I honestly never thought Capcom would make the game to be honest; and certainly not with the sheer class and utterly fantastic gameplay that they have relaunched the franchise with.

So how does it play?  It’s amazingly fluid, responsive, technical to a degree I’ve never experienced in a fighting game before and has such a familiar feel to it that you’d be forgiven for thinking it was the good old days again.  That is to say that it’s the first time i’ve probably grinned to the point my face hurts whilst playing a game (Resident Evil 5 came close…but) for at least a decade.  The designers seem to have also rolled back the years with the design of the characters and overall look, the animation is phenomenal and I love the manga look of the game.  Very lush.

I played the game on the ‘medium’ difficulty setting and quickly settled in playing with Ken, my chosen character.  Here’s a snippet of me beating up the Mexican Wrestler El Fuerte one handed, the other was holding the camera I assure you 🙂

ONE HANDED FUN ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT

There are the usual power bars, revenge bars, SUPER bars, all of which allow you to trigger nasty counter moves and special attacks; usually followed with some funky animation.  As mentioned earlier the parry and block system responds instinctively, you won’t just be able to bash buttons and beat someone with your eyes closed on this game that’s for sure.  Overall, I’d have to say it’s the best fighting game I’ve ever played and that’s by a long way.  I can’t wait to try it out over the xbox live servers!

It wasn’t all plain sailing though I must admit.  I struggled a little against Guile with his flat top haircut and poxy Sonic Boom attacks, Sagat was an utter tosspot as usual with Tiger Uppercuts flailing all over the place, and when I finally reached the Boss character Seth, he spanked me all over the place which was great fun!  I was lucky enough to perfect him in the first round, he then regenerates and starts teleporting over the screen kicking ten bells out of you; probably why he’s the boss character?

I really loved his design though (he has a spinning ying/yang in his midrift), he reminded me so much of Street Fighter 3’s boss, Gill, and also the character Urien from that game too.  The SUPER move that Seth performs on you involves sucking you into his ying/yang, you going around like a washing machine and then spat out at speed right up onto the screen face first – see pic in the gallery).

The end fight was such a struggle that I couldn’t help but take some video as I completed the game; I was then greeted with the longest offensive list of credits you’ve probably ever seen (along with me sticking my fingers up at a couple of characters that pop up, and also a bit of obscene gesturing to the female characters).  So yes, I finished it.  Woohooo!!!

KENS ENDING

So, if you see me on xbox live, bring it on bitches!

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Screamer Radio

(This is a repost of  an entry that got “lost” in the recent move on Antikrish.)

I’m lucky enough (I think) to work from home.   I need a little bit of “noise” when I’m working as I miss out on the usual office chat and gossip.   Aww…shame 🙂  Anyway, I used to listen to Pandora with the funky Pandora’s Box by Daniel Mackey. Unfortunately it’s impossible to listen to the service now in the UK without using a proxy because of…well, have a look at part of an email that was sent to me from Pandora.

As you probably know, in July of 2007 we had to block usage of Pandora outside the U.S. because of the lack of a viable license structure for Internet radio streaming in other countries. It was a terrible day. We did however hold out some hope that a solution might exist for the UK, so we left it unblocked as we worked diligently with the rights organizations to negotiate an economically workable license fee. After over a year of trying, this has proved impossible. Both the PPL (which represents the record labels) and the MCPS/PRS Alliance (which represents music publishers) have demanded per track performance minima rates which are far too high to allow ad supported radio to operate and so, hugely disappointing and depressing to us as it is, we have to block the last territory outside of the US.

So I’m now using the teeny-tiny Screamer Radio.   It’s freeware, it isn’t a resource hog and it’s portable. Huzzah! Here’s a link to its features page.

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It’s certainly not the same as Pandora but it is good.  My favourite stations are Beatles-A-Rama!!! and Fun Radio France.   I think Beatles (A-Rama…and don’t forget the 3 exclamation marks!!!) is my favourite.   It has a good bit rate and the Walmart adverts are truly wonderfull

Go on…download it…you know you want to…

And I nearly forgot…you can also record the tracks you are listening to.  Here’s 1 I made earlier (Ho’okena – ‘Ulili E from the excellent HawaiianRainbow.com).

I broked it!?!

Next door’s tortoise did a wee wee on my PC whilst I wasn’t looking this evening (proper cocked it’s leg up it did the bastad!).

Since this outrage, I can’t Google for shit man. You wait till the cunt’s not looking; I’m going to pop the charlatan in the microwave, recycle his shell for pith helmet spare parts (in case of ZULU attack!) and then put his ballbags on Amazon’s Marketplace.  Paaaahnd of nanas!

As you can see, my googley-eyes is brokener (more broken than broken).

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Google query suggestions…(GULP!)

Just in case you didn’t know, Google has a query suggestions feature.

As you type into the search box, Google Suggest guesses what you’re typing and offers suggestions in real time.

I’m working on a site that uses H-Sphere and I needed to find some info.  I got as far as Can a when Google Suggest came up with the following 🙂

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What’s your favourite suggestion?

Sir Antikrish, intrepid arctic explorer!

Well I say by Jove, what a day?

I managed to walk into work this morning, only took an hour and 35 minutes (my legs hurt like a motherfucker now!) through the snow. And I have to say it was quite pleasant walking by the park talking to Baldie on my mobile (big up for news updates Al!!)

It was all spiffing until I got to the Duppas hill and then Croydon’s flyover. Truly bizarre seeing a few lost souls walking over it due to a total lack of cars.

Average snowfall in London was 10cm, Wallington just made the news for having 20cm AND neighbouring Coulsdon had 28cm. That’s almost a whole shatterproof ruler!!!!

There’s meant to be more tonight, not sure if my old joints can stand another trek. Not sure….if…’cough’….I…can…go….on!!!!!!

Saying that, it was worth it today, if only to see Croydon resemble a Lowry painting, totally devoid of trams, buses and taxis. All it needed was chimneys and hey presto! Stick men masterpiece!!!!!

Just goes to show though, you can do anything after a cup of tea!