Author Archives: Antikrish

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About Antikrish

For answers to all the questions you didn't know you had! www.antikrish.com

Swear box – Day 4 – Yippekayay Muddyfunsters!

I MADE IT!!! NOT A SINGLE FINE!!! FUCKING HELL YEAH BABY!!!! SUCK MA PLUMS BIATCH!!! ETC.

I’m officially off the hook now, I chose to take Friday off which means I’ve gone FOUR DAYS without swearing once in the office and that’s my lot.

So, what did I learn about it all? Well, I CAN go without swearing, but I know that anyway. Like I said, I CHOOSE to swear, and it bloody well agrees with me!!!!! There are more eloquent words at my disposal, yes I’m sure swearing makes me less of an intellectual, however nothing quite hits the mark like a well timed and executed profane message does it?

For example:

Normal speak:
‘I say Timmy, I find you most disagreeable you charletan!’.

Antikrishtonian-Wallingtonshire Dictionary Sponsored phrase:
‘Fuck you Timmy you anal phlegmn-loving badger bashing tosspot!’.

Doesn’t come close does it?

Suprisingly it was Hitesh who swore most (although being a true Desi spirit, he never paid his fines), never saw that one coming! Ray being an eloquent sort of chap would have been my choice, but even my boss Alan swore more than him. Tut tut tut, you naughty bunch of fuckers need to set a better example!

Anyway, I’m glad that’s over. I just have to be thankful there’s not a ‘Filth box’ or I’d be in serious, serious trouble.

Swear box – Day 3

I almost lost it today with someone on the phone, such a rude and arrogant fucker. I especially enjoyed it when I told him that he’d be paying for the repairs on his vehicle rather than it being covered through his warranty policy (I’m a claims technician for people who aren’t aware of my vocation!). Chew on that Mr Rumbelow-Brown (made up name) you cheesy nobrot collector!

Still no swearing in the office though. C’mon!

Swear box – Day 1

We have work experience types in the office all this week; being true professionals we’re going to have a profanity-free zone enforced by a rather dubious looking swear box (it’s actually a drinking glass with a makeshift Mercedes-Benz banner around the rim, don’t laugh at the word rim because it’ll cost you a quid!).

Given how much I enjoy swearing (I believe it’s an artform personally), I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to stop bankrupting myself over the course of the working week, so I thought I’d take the brass band by the horns and blog my frustration here!  Labiatastic. 

If I make it through the week without spending a tenner I’ll be genuinely impressed, so, here goes nothing!

Fucking bollocky bastard rancid twatbags!

Chicken…….

Is it just me, or does chicken become far more appealing aesthetically when grilled if you cut ‘gill’ style knife slits into it beforehand?

Bouncy Bouncy

I’m on lunch at the moment using my colleague Kraig’s wireless dongle (Dongle sounds like an Australian sex toy doesn’t it?) via the laptop. Very snazzy. Although why there aren’t widely available free wireless networks in my area by now god only knows (yes, I know there’s too much money to be made by greedy providers).

Anyway, I spent last night fiddling with the latest mix of GIVE A LITTLE HELP following a prod from Alex; specifically trying to get to grips with bouncing tracks on the desk in order to free up extra recording space. I honestly couldn’t believe how simple the bounce function is on my Tascam, you arm the tracks, push record and off you go! ::insert an ‘I told you so’ statement from Alex here::

For those of you who aren’t familiar with ‘bouncing’ you basically combine any number of the tracks on the mixing desk (each track has an instrument, guitar, bass, drums) onto one or more tracks. This is especially handy if you are using an 8 track recorder like me and only find yourself with 2 tracks left to complete a song with. So for example last night I took 4 tracks including two guitars, two drum tracks (left and right channels) and consolidated them into just 2. That now leaves 6 tracks to put bass, vocals and other bits onto the mix with.

I’m also using the nanoverb effects unit to separate sound out a bit and pretty pleased with the result so far. I intend to concentrate on the mix again tonight and get the levels right, then I’ll throw it through Sony Soundforge to try and get something listenable onto the site. I’m determined to salvage the demo we did and get something decent out of it!

FREEDOM!

Cockney terms for money

Ooooh, a bit of Antikrish research ensued this Sunday afternoon all because of my friend Beth’s status update on Facebook.

Beth said she wanted a monkey (assuming it was because a friend went to the zoo and not due to anything unwholesome), anyway, to me a monkey is £500 (my dad and brother also use these terms a fair bit) and after educating her on this I eventually pondered where the saying came from originally.

So, a bit of background. Various people from London (mainly working class) have different names for certain denominations of money, some get their meaning from cockney rhyming slang, for example, a fiver is a ‘lady’ (cockney rhyming slang for Lady Godiver), a tenner is a ‘cockle’ (Cock and hen = ten).

There are also terms for money which don’t have a link to rhyming slang, like a Pony (£25), a score (£20), and a monkey to name but a few.

Imagine how chuffed I was to find that the term ‘monkey’ and ‘pony’ all stem from British colonialism in India. How cool is that?

“The term monkey comes from British soldiers returning from India where the 500 rupee note had a picture of a monkey on it. They used the term monkey for 500 rupees and on returning to England the saying was converted for sterling to mean £500. The 25 rupee note had a picture of a pony on it, hence why a pony is £25.”

Nice one Beth, you monkey lover!

John Terry Spitting at Tevez ‘mystery’

I am absolutely astounded as to how the footballing community and the media have totally put a wall around the ‘snotting’ (not spitting) incident that occured during the Champions league final (see my last post).

I’ve spoken to a good dozen people now who clearly saw Terry blow his nose over Tevez’s neck deliberately, footage was put up on youtube but has been taken down by Uefa due to copyright laws; nice and convenient…….

Tevez, full marks to him just got on with it, he hasn’t said anything in the game and you can see in remaining clips around certain sites that he clearly wipes his neck in disgust and just walks off. Major respect to him for doing that because you could see how badly Terry wanted to even up the player numbers by getting a reaction out of him.

The messageboards and forums are totally ablaze with people who saw it, and I was pretty warmed to see Chelsea and Manchester United fans on various boards damning Terry for this. I think it’s only a matter of time before fan power makes Uefa reveal the footage and Terry is charged. 

A couple of fringe articles can be found HERE, HERE and HERE.

This is disgraceful and a far cry from how I remember football being as a kid.  Yes, there was always idiots in the crowd (something which has been almost totally stamped out at Old Trafford), but I can’t ever recall something like this before on the pitch.  Hopefully they will make an example out of this animal and ban him for a year with no pay.  THAT would be fantastic.

If they don’t, well, we all know how there are certain untouchables in football.  Scum.

Picture is HERE!!!!