SNOOOOOOOOOOOW!

WE HAVE SNOW!!!!!

I heard they had predicted snow on the news this morning but didn’t really expect it to hit with the degree that it has; if you imagine a 6 mile radius around where I live, everywhere outside that boundary normally gets snow but we never do! It’s bizarre!?!?

It was genuinely uncanny that I got back from the office and all of a sudden it just started coming down and hasn’t stopped since (buses have stopped and cars are being abandoned). I couldn’t help myself and had to leave the first prints outside my house! I REALLY wish I had a pair of diving flippers so I could leave obscure footprints in the snow.

Yes I know I’m a big kid…….see, Indians do like the cold!

Dentist, again

Three fillings + replacement of a crown = Kev’s skint and has a mouth like a pornstars fanny.

What is it about being in a dentists chair that makes you instantly remember all the “too many sweets are bad for your teeth” lectures as a kid?

Saying that, when you weigh up the pros and cons it’s not so bad; 20 mins of minor pain and a temporary inabilty to whistle, or, a lifetime of diabetes inducing sugar hoarding?

Open wide and say arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr bitch!

A poem

There was a paratha from Dehli
Who liked to sit and watch tele
His bhaji friend said “yo!”
“you’ve let yourself go!!!”
“And doubled the size of your belly!!!”

Kev on Channel 4 – ‘Big Chef Takes On Little Chef’

Yes, the rumours are true. It was I on Channel 4 tonight, eating the monster ‘olympian’ fry-up breakfast for all to see!!!!

As some of you may know, I was away on business before Christmas visiting a dealership in Cornwall with my boss Alan; what you didn’t know was that we pulled into a ‘Little Chef’ in Popham for some breakfast. Great idea Alan.  Cheers!  I was fully aware of the video cameras when I walked in, being naive I thought perhaps they were filming some kind of franchise training material; I was wrong.

Instead, Channel 4 were filming ‘Big Chef Takes On Little Chef’, a primetime documentary nonetheless.

Thanks to all those who text and sent messages to say I was on, alas I didn’t see it,   Hopefully I can throw it up on the web if I find footage; then all of you can see me devour a breakfast which is essentially the culinary equivalent of a royal slap in the face to starving people in Africa.

The moral of this story is thus, if you walk into a restaurant with film cameras in it, read the teeny, tiny, poxy smeggy little disclaimer before you sit down and look like a total bloater.

As for the breakfast, it was bloody lovely.  Especially as it was on expenses.  No way I’d have paid a tenner for a breakfast……

Dear points of view…..

Would you believe, that within an hour of Alex’s most recent post (honk honk) I’ve actually had someone leave a rather smarmy complaint about the thread’s content in the form of a comment (click:delete)????  A pro-Christian keyboard warrior would you believe?

I personally don’t believe in censorship; in fact I find it quite offensive that some ignoramous feels that I should remove the thread from OUR site. This is OUR corner of the universe, so bugger off.

Should Alexander want to show a clip of someone getting rutted in a supermarket then so be it.  That’s how we do things around here, and if you don’t like it here, you’d better get out of Dodge by sundown.  Click the big X at the top right of your browser window.

Thanks fucking muchly

Sheriff Yaddedy Smaggedy.

p.s. I’d also like to add that it’s not a minor who trips over, it’s clearly an Asian film with an adult girl dressed in college/university attire, now, fuck off back to your Christian voice chums, stick your finger up your own arse and sing ‘He’s got the whole world in his hands’ like the Bee Gees.

Convoluted office jargon – part 2

Holy nuns twatbags, those cheeky execs are at it again with their meaningless jargon inventing ways!

New in for 2009:

Roadmap = used to describe a business plan or timetable. When the word ‘schedule’ is considered “sooooooo 2008” by the trend conscious modern day yuppy!

Migration = when the word ‘move’ simply doesn’t sound important enough, just say migrate instead. For example ‘resource migration’ replaces filing.

‘ality‘ = If you add ‘ality” after a word it makes it sound impressive to the average brown nose. Best of all, put it after your company name to infer it has a culture all of it’s own. “I’m feeling the Abbeyality today! Now, going forward!!!!”.