Author Archives: Antikrish

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About Antikrish

For answers to all the questions you didn't know you had! www.antikrish.com

Chico loses his marbles

Chico turned 8 months old this week, the last 4 weeks or so saw quite an adult change in his behaviour.

Cheeks had been showing increasing signs of sexual dominance and was slightly more  aggressive than he had been; he’s normally has a very playful and affectionate temperament contrary to what you’d expect of a Parsons Terrier (Jack Russell Cross).

I called up the RSPCA centre that he was registered to and asked if they could re-assess their ‘unique’ personal policy of not castrating him until he was a year old; they stuck firm to this which lead me to seek out a new vets.  I am lucky to have a friend who is a vetinary nurse and her opinion was that this was 6 months too late, the internet also offered me a good deal of advice.

Ray recommend his local vets, and we booked him in for Thursday this week.  I felt tremendously guilty making such a prolific decision in his life, however I mused that I would rather do that and ‘calm’ him down than see him bite someone.  There is also the huge factor that castration prevents testicular cancer.

The vets carried out the operation and also removed two baby canine teeth that were also giving him a little trouble  which went some way to explain the slight increase in aggression and Chico’s need to gnaw almost constantly on his chewy toys.

I arrived home from the darts around Midnight to find mums door closed, felt it best not to disturb him because she had text me throughout the evening giving an account of how distressed he was with the lampshade contraption around his head.

Around 4:30am – 5am I was woken up by him, Mum said he had been crying and scratching at my door; so in he came, got up on my bed and practically pleaded with me to remove the lampshade.  So I did.  It turned out to be a good decision because he hasn’t licked or bitten any of the area that he shouldn’t.

I won’t ever forget how he squashed himself into me after I’d taken the lampshade off; shaking with relief and utterly happy.  The last few days have shown an almost immediate return to his normal character, a little more sleepy and sluggish perhaps but definitely on the mend. 🙂

So he now has a new vets, I also got a Tesco ‘Pet Plan’ for him to make sure he always gets the care he deserves.

Premier League Darts

OOOOOOOOOONNNE HUNDREDDDDDDD AND EIIIIIIIIIIIGHTY!!!!!!!!!!

I enjoyed a night of Premier League Darts this Thursday; got the train down to Brighton seafront and arrived just as the sun began to set.  Beautiful!

There’s something about the coast which revitalises me, the glistening tides washed away 24 hours of stress and anxiety; I felt very guilty not being at home to comfort Chico following his trip to the vets when he became El Castrato!  Poor little fella 😦

I met my good friend Ian down there along with his son who arrived with a friend; the Brighton Seafront venue was perfect for the occasion.  The queue to get in was full of the sort of people I’d seen at other meetings live on Sky Sports; jovial and dressed up in a variety of costumes or generic outfits for a bit of fun.

Darts is a game that I have enjoyed since I was a kid, I used to play with Mum and Dad down in Selsey, Brian and I also had a dartboard growing up and I have a fond memory of playing ‘Killer’ before settling down to watch ‘The Young Ones’ in the 1980’s.

Eighties Darts involved players like Eric Bristow and Jockey Wilson; overweight bememoths who drank and smoked excessively whilst applying their craft in a pub atmosphere.  The modern game is pretty similar in many ways, just minus all the ciggies (thank goodness!).

The atmosphere in the venue was absolutely fantastic, everyone was up for it and copious amounts of lager and a reluctance to eat over-priced food made for some serious mischief.

I am unable to fully convey how amusing it is seeing grown men sod about in a variety of different costumes; there was a group of guys dressed up as ‘Where’s Wally’, a couple kitted out as Mario and Luigi, a pretty disturbing looking bright pink latex Pig (guy had some serious moves).   Their support was genuine and openly appreciated by the players, a true display of camaraderie if ever there was one.

Think the most interesting thing I saw that night was an African couple who turned up to watch and sat in the row in front of me, most people would be forgiven for considering Darts as a Nordic sport played by whities; but not so.  Every arcade I went into in Japan had fancy dartboards, they were everywhere in Hong Kong as well!

Paying £20 for a ticket to see Phil Taylor (arguably the greatest player of all time) ply his trade is an absolutely bargain; great evening!  I thoroughly enjoyed it and hope I get a chance to go again soon!

Lets………….play……………darts!!!!!!!!!

Recycle bins

I’m irritated this morning; a good dozen people or so around me are belly-aching that their civil liberties are being gang raped.

What tremendous wrong has been bestowed upon then you may ask?!?? What heinous crime against humanity???

Individual bins have been replaced by a centralised community bin area to encourage recycling and help the cleaner who previously had to empty 500 bins rather than the current 15-20 now in operation.

Personally; I thought this was a great idea!

I’m certainly no Green Avenger; however I do my bit by recycling at home, turn off unused appliances and try to limit my energy usage; a fair change to the wasteful oik that i was in my youth!!

I think people are generally quite blessed if walking 10 yards to a bin is their greatest hardship in life; it’s hardly walking several miles to get ‘fresh’ water now is it?!?

Libya

‘Libya standoff hampers diplomacy’ – is it me or is it an inappropriate time to even consider having a picnic?

Given that Colonel Gaddafi has been in charge since 1969; why hasn’t he promoted himself to general?

He’s an odd looking sod isn’t he? I thought the latex puppet satire television programme ‘Spitting Image’ had come back until I realised that actually was HIM!

Whenever there’s a humanitarian disaster; you’ll always see lots of posh British Ex-Pats pleading poverty about their right to be repatriated by our Government amidst all the craziness.

Yet these greedy bastards have been profiteering at the general disadvantage of the local populace. Oh, and they’re usually tax dodgers too!!

Birds of a feather flock together I suppose?! God I hate Pauline Quirk.

Mr. Cheeks goes to the vets.

Chico had a visit to the vets yesterday because of a sore eye; we’d tried bathing his eye over the last few days but felt it was best he went for a check because it wasn’t clearing up.

It’s awful seeing an animal behaving differently due to an ailment or discomfort; over the past few days Chico would rub his eye using a paw and rest his face against me, pretty much asking me to bathe his eye.

Mum gave me a run down of his time at the vets; apparently he caused utter mayhem.

Those who have met Cheeks will know how he gets exceptionally excited to meet people and other dogs; wimpering and scampering to say hello.

Its a good thing Mum took him. Turns out he had conjunctivitis in his sore eye; the yellow dye put in by the vet showed no damage and the problem was probably caused by dust from DIY or dirt outside.

Poor little guy has eye drops for that, ear drops for a mild ear infection, worming tablets and flea treatment.

Given all the medication he’s taking; I might have to rename him Charlie Sheen?!?

As you can see from the picture below, he was very comfy laying on my legs as is often his custom; no comments about my funky candy cane PJ bottoms!!!

As of this morning, his eye is already clearing up nicely, he was running around the front room with his tennis ball like a loon and tried to bite my bike gloves on the way out!

Definitely back to his normal self 🙂

Witches and Mediums

Hocus Pocus, toil and trouble, eye of newt; rough birds who ‘know’ they are witches. Any of this sound familiar?!? Yes, I’m sure it does…

There seems to be a growing trend of young British woman who genuinely believe that they are witches; gifted with arcane powers and all that old crap.

Now I personally wouldn’t mind if they resembled the saucy Hammer Horror 60’s and 70’s foxy ladies; but the harsh reality is that the modern day witch in the United Kingdom is a deluded piss artist who wouldn’t look out of place in a dodgy German scat porno!

As you may have guessed, I’m a cynic; I lived in Tolkein’s realm as a kid and happily played Advanced Dungeons and Dragon’s until the early hours; but I am more likely to believe that Prince Charles has a moist vagina than to believe any of these bints have magic powers.

I can honestly say the same for psychic mediums; why visit a bored divorcee con artist when you can pay me £30 to roll my eyes back into their sockets, shout “spirits come forth!!” and spout a load of convenient facts that I found out about the person on Facebook or via Google?!?

Better still, download a ‘magic 8 ball’ application on your mobile phone for 99p; then you’ll be a true mage!!! Roll the D20!!! Critical hit!!!

Yours sincerely

Miss Claire Voyant
Head fucker
There’s One born every day Society

CBT revisited

I had to retake my Compulsory Bike Test (CBT) again today because my current 2 year certificate runs out in a couple of days; it’s quite weird to think that I have been riding motorbikes for that length of time……….aside from the couple of months I have spent on crutches obviously. Very bizzare.

Seems like only yesterday that I passed my first CBT and ended up going down to Brighton with my mate Alan and his friend Scott the weekend afterwards.

Due to the experience that I have gained over the last two years; I was able to take the experienced CBT test which consists of a few manouvers in the off road test area and then out on a compulsory 2 hour road test.

The whole thing was straight forward enough I suppose; aside from the occasional bend and corner, fnar fnar…………..I arrived home with my new certificate and some constructive tips on how to improve my road positioning and general approach to riding.

I greatly look forward to the coming months where Mr Sunshine will hopefully make an appearance so that I can pop down to the coast and encourage my skin to become a colour more befitting my surname!