Category Archives: Editorials

Sid moves above Scotland in FIFA rankings

FIFA confirmed today that Sid the homeless chap has risen above Scotland in the international ranking system.

Sid’s silky skills are said to eclipse even those of the mighty Kenny Miller; Miller is arguably the greatest sweaty sock ever to pull on a blue jersey.  

Manchester City are understood to have submitted a lucrative bid for his services.  

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The return of Sid – Supertramp

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Stop the press!!!!

Sid, the intriguing homeless man who lives opposite my office,  appears to have returned to his patch and rebuilt his shack.

Perhaps he watched ‘Batman Begins’ and was inspired by how Bruce Wayne decided to rebuild Wayne Manor after it burnt to the ground; could Croydon have its own superhero?!?

I had resigned myself to the idea that Sid had fled from Croydon after the fire a few months ago; so I was somewhat surprised and heartened to see him scrambling over the back fence with a shopping trolley???

Wonder if he’ll get a blue rinse and a bingo membership to complete his alter ego cover?

Maud Violet –  Mild mannered bag lady? 

Anyway!   Welcome back,  El Cid!

Boston Marathon Bombings – Four Lions or Homeland?

I knew something wasn’t right when I received a telephone call out of the blue from my mate David last night; blokes normally text each other rather than call don’t they?! 

Until that moment, I had been completely unaware of the Boston Marathon Bombings, instead watching an episode of ‘Grimm’ via my PS3.    

Dave had been watching Sky Sports News that evening (as usual), so I popped the channel on to see what was going on; it was extremely surreal watching a global news piece break on SSN, but they seemed to have a far more detailed coverage than BBC news?

The scenes were truly horrific, I immediately felt an awful pit in my stomach when I saw the injured people laying on the pavements and could not help at drawing a comparisson to the film ‘Four Lions’ in which suicide bombers target the ‘London Marathon’ (scarily, the London Marathon is due to go ahead this weekend). 

‘Four Lions’ is one of my favourite films (pretty much anything by Chris Morris is) because it ‘dared to tread where others feared to’ regarding a ‘home-grown’ suicide bombing attack on London and the stereotypes that surround all things Muslim.

The London Bombings on the 7th of July, 2005 (anyone else find the 7/7 reference offensive?) were unthinkable; so why has this been allowed to happen again?

The plot of ‘Four Lions’ always seemed uncomfortably plausible; I sincerely hope that whoever carried out this cowardly act will not have been inspired by it?  I imagine the media bandwagon will start chugging along soon enough about this particular parallel……….

I can already picture the Daily Mail running a story entitled ‘Boston Marathon Bombers ‘Like’ Four Lions Facebook Page’ or something simiilar?

Either that or they will highlight a link to the TV series ‘Homeland’?  Maybe the culprit isn’t a “bearded dude in a sheet” after all, but a Sergeant Brody wannabe?

Regardless, those affected are in my thoughts; may there be unconditional support for them and their families, justice will find those involved sooner or later!

 

Alvin Lee – R.I.P.

Alvin Lee was an amazing showman; I will never forget seeing him play the extended version of ‘I’m Goin’ Home’ at Woodstock when I was 16.

I had never, ever, seen anyone play a chuck berry blues shuffle riff THAT fast before and he quite literally played his tits off during the Woodstock performance; I loved how he’d tune up and down an octave whilst playing. 

He was an exceptional guitarist.

I have the ‘Ten Years After’ debut album in my car and “I Can’t Keep from Crying, Sometimes” is one of my favourite tracks; give it a whirl!!!

R.I.P.  Alvin.

Urban Foxes

The middle classes are subscribing to ‘Horse And Hounds’ in their droves and chav lynch mobs are on the verge of culling every fox in Britain after ‘The Sun’  declared war on urban Foxes!

Urban Foxes are eating babies; its official!   One particularly hungry fox nipped a finger off of a newborn baby and now ‘foxamageddon’ has gripped the nation.

Foxes fascinate me,  they are beautiful animals and I will happily feed the little family with scraps left outside my house (much as it annoys Cheeks!); that said,  it’s clear that the urban fox population is growing immensely which has interesting ramifications.

To prove my point, this little daredevil sauntered past my car tonight whilst I was parked up writing this blog entry!!

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The fox did not seem to fear me one little bit, nor was he disturbed by ‘Highway To Hell’ by AC/DC which was blaring out of my speakers.

As is often the case, the situation has attracted two very extreme viewpoints.

On one hand we have the poor souls who have fallen for the sensationalist news coverage ‘hook line and sinker’ and want to go around shooting the Foxes to protect their children! Eradicate them all! Napalm them!

On the flip side are the psuedo-protest wannabes who choose to infest Facebook with their righteous left wing protest babble and would have us all believe that Foxes wouldn’t harm a fly. Cuddle a fox. That’s their message.

I don’t know who I dislike more? One thing is certain, Foxes clearly have no fear of humans in urban areas due to the fundamental change in our relationship with them. They have attacked a couple of small children and domestic pets. Fact.

I personally think it’s a complete fool who believes that they ‘understand’ urban Foxes; irrespective of how much they feed them or read the tabloids! You can’t vouch for a wild animal anymore than you can demonise it for its survival instincts?

We will only ‘understand’ Foxes through significant scientific study and it may be a while before we have the facts on what is effectively a new species; urban Foxes lack the chicken stealing ninja scoundrel routine of their countryside counterparts?

I will continue to feed them. If they ever figure out how to pick the door locks and get into my house, they’ll have Mr. Cheeks to get through before they can snack on my fingers!

Tolerance and study with a pinch of caution and common sense please, no culling.